What Lies Beneath
by OhMyStarsShiz
Summary: The Doctor and Clara may have been close once, but that had all changed. They were now two very different people and living in two very different worlds; one of power and one of weakness. Both broken and lost, will they ever get back to their true selves? Whoufflé AU: Holocaust. Rated M for the nature and scenes in this story.
1. As It Starts

**This is a Whoufflé Holocaust AU. It's rated M because I'm not going to tone down any of what would have happened and it could be distressing to some. Also, there will most likely smut in here but not in the way that you think. **

**Please R+R!**

* * *

The field behind Clara's house was huge and seemed, to a child, to go on forever. That's where she'd play with her best friend, the Doctor.

They'd known each other since they were six, from going to school together and living a few streets away. They'd been the only two children to know no-one else, so they chose to stick together. They were still friends years later.

The Doctor's parents had died in a car accident when he was baby, so he'd never known them. He lived with his God-father, Davros, who was a huge supporter of the Nazi party. He was always ranting on about it to the Doctor, who never really paid too much attention. He was only interested in having fun with Clara.

Clara's parents had quite a lot of money. Her father worked for a publishing business and her Mother stayed at home. They saw the Doctor as a second child, as he was over at the house almost every day by the time they were nine years old.

The Doctor was really called Rudolf. Everyone had always called him Rudi but Clara refused to. When they were about seven, she started to call him, "My Doctor." She told him it was because he was really good at making her feel better. Somehow, the nickname stuck and as everyone began to call him that, he just accepted it.

Clara and the Doctor would lie together in their field and tell each other stories. They would both imagine the future. They always teased each other that they would never find anyone to marry, so would end up marrying each other. It even became a habit of them calling each other "wife" and "husband." Of course, this was only child's play and these little remarks soon wore off as they realised just what they meant.

* * *

They had always seen each other as best friends, until they were thirteen.

Clara had dared the Doctor to chase her, to prove she was faster than him. It was a game they had played as children that neither of them had desired to grow out of. But this time, as the Doctor began to catch up, Clara fell over. The Doctor didn't see it fast enough and fell right on top of her. They were staring into each other's eyes, but neither of them had any desire to move.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, the Doctor half on top of Clara, using one arm to support himself so he didn't crush her. He used his other hand to gently caress her face. Upon realising how compromising their position was a few minutes later, Clara hastily got up from underneath him, stating she had to get home for dinner. His heart had sank at first, before she stood up on her toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

He watched as she ran home as fast as she could, sure that his face was plastered with a love sick grin. He knew he wanted to be with Clara Oswald for the rest of his life.

Unknown to them, the world had other plans. As they grew up, everything around them started to change. They were unaware of what quite was going on, but it was obvious that things were different.

* * *

When they were fifteen, they had been lying next to one another in their field talking, before an argument had sprung up.

"Papa says the government are horrible." Clara said simply. "He hates them. Says it everyday."

"Careful what you say Clara." The Doctor warned. "You're not meant to speak against them. Besides, Davros says they're great. He's even signed me up for the youth party. He said it'll be good for me, to get some proper teaching." The Doctor sounded proud of himself, but Clara turned to him disgusted.

"Proper teaching?" She asked, shocked. "Because of Hitler, father has lost his job. How is that fair?"

The Doctor hadn't known this, but he wasn't one to back down in an argument.

"Well maybe it's because he deserved it. That's what Davros says. This government is doing good things for people who deserve it and that are good."

"So you're saying my Father isn't good?" Clara questioned.

"No, of course not." The Doctor replied defensively.

"Then what are you saying he is?" She asked, turning away from him.

"That...maybe he's just not as good as the rest of us." The Doctor half-murmured his last words in hope that Clara wouldn't hear them. She had.

She stood up and let out a cry of disgust towards him. "You think you're better than my family? Go and look in the mirror. You're just the same as the rest of us! You horrify me, you know that?"

She had ran off home, leaving the Doctor feeling horrible and alone in their field. He knew he shouldn't have said those things, but they were true; weren't they? Although, he couldn't understand why Clara's father had lost his job. He was a perfectly nice, hard working man who was loyal to his country. He wasn't sure what he was missing.

Clara eventually forgave him, after three slaps around the face and a bunch of flowers. She'd always been stubborn, but he knew he'd been in the wrong and he missed her too much.

* * *

Within the next few years, they begun to grow apart. Of course, the still saw each other at least once a week, but they started to go in different directions. Neither of them wanted it to be that way, but there was nothing they could do about it.

Davros was high up in the Gestapo and had already organised for the Doctor to join as soon as he was eighteen. The Doctor didn't want to work for the Gestapo, but he had no choice. His life had been planned for him and he could only see where it took him.

He'd expected his childhood dreams to remain though. He still expected to marry Clara and to live happily with them. It had never occurred to him that something might stop that.

Things started to change when Clara stopped showing up to school. The Doctor couldn't find her anywhere and she would never answer the door when he went over to her house. He hoped she was okay and it distressed him that they never saw each other anymore.

He had almost fallen over when he saw Clara walking down the street three months later. He ran over to her, screaming as loud as he could. She had looked up to see who it was and grinned, before turning away and carrying on walking.

"Clara!" The Doctor shouted. "Clara, hey!" He ran up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her around. "Where've you been? I've been so worried about you!"

Clara tried to shake his hands off her shoulders, but it was no use.

"I don't go to your school anymore. I'm not allowed." Clara looked down at her feet in shame and tried to get away again.

"Why not? I don't understand..." The Doctor asked. That's when it caught the corner of his eye. Clara's coat had a yellow star sewn on to it. He knew that sign all too well. He had been taught to avoid it and spit at it. Not Clara, surely?

"I have to go." Clara whispered, trying to leave once more. She wasn't meant to interact with non-Jews and didn't want to find out what the punishment would be if she did.

"Wait." The Doctor grabbed her arm and held it tight so she couldn't escape his grasp. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, worriedly.

"I didn't know." Clara explained. "Well, I did, but I didn't. Mama mentioned when I was very little, but we've never been religious. She just said that we were and it didn't matter. Apparently it does now." She looked down to her feet in embarrassment and he didn't like it. How could she be ashamed of something she couldn't control? Of course he believed what Davros and school had told him about how Jews were evil, but not Clara. Never Clara. She wasn't evil. Clara and her parents must have been the nice Jews. The ones that weren't meant to be, because they were great people.

"Come on!" The Doctor suddenly cried out, dragging Clara down the street.

"Where are we going?" Clara asked in shock, worried about what people would do if they saw her with the Doctor.

"To our field! We haven't been in ages!" The Doctor complained. He was running there, excited. Clara was panicking and trying to make him stop.

Doctor!" She called out. "Doctor, no!"


	2. When Things Change

**Wow! So many followers in one day? That is amazing guys! Thank you so much!**

**For anyone wondering about timings, the first part of this chapter is 1938 and the Doctor and Clara are sixteen years old. The last section, it's 1939 and they're 16/17. Depends. I'm not too fussed on birthdays but I get really annoyed about dates , so that's for any of you guys who might be too.**

**I will try and update every day, but I'm going back to school tomorrow so the updates are always after 11 pm GMT because it's the only time I get a chance to write. So, sorry about that.**

**But anyway, here's the chapter!**

* * *

The Doctor refused to let go of Clara's arm and people in the street started to stare as she tried to get away. She prayed that he'd stop, just so they wouldn't draw attention to themselves and get her caught out.

"Doctor!" Clara cried, finally getting free from his grip and standing firm on the ground where she stood. They now happened to be directly outside his house.

"Clara, why won't you come with me?" He asked, looking like he'd just been kicked in the stomach.

"We're too old to play in that field now." Clara desperately wanted to go, but it was evident he wouldn't listen to the real reason why and she had to say it so he'd stop.

"I'm not stupid Clara, I see right through your lies." The Doctor said slowly, pacing over to her which made Clara take a step back. "Why do you are so much about some stupid rule? I'll just explain if anyone questions us..."

"Doctor, you don't understand." She interrupted him. "_You _will be fine if they catch us. It's me that will get in loads of trouble. I can't afford that. I'm sorry Doctor, but I've got to go..."

"Clara, don't!" The Doctor tried to grab Clara's arm as she started to walk away, but both of them froze when a car pulled up beside them.

Davros stepped out of the car. "Park her around the back Herr Paulat," he said to the driver, who promptly sped off. He was about to enter his house when he saw Clara and the Doctor either side of the gate.

"Clara!" He cried out. "How wonderful to see you! You haven't been here in a while." His last sentence was more like a question and Clara felt very uneasy staring at the tall man in Nazi uniform. She had her arms folded so he couldn't see her star, but she feared he would figure it out..

"Davros, tell her she's being stupid. She won't talk with me or go anywhere with me. She keeps saying she can't!"

Clara mentally cursed the Doctor and put her face down towards the ground as Davros turned to face her. She knew he was suspecting her and she wanted to cry when he made his way to stand directly in front of her.

The Doctor tried to look around to see what Davros was doing, but he was completely blocking the sight of Clara's tiny body.

Davros took out his right hand and used it to slowly unfold Clara's arms. Even once he'd seen it, he waited until her arms were by her side and her head faced directly to the floor. Then he grabbed her chin and snapped her head up so she would look into his eyes.

"Leave. Now." He snapped at her, making her flinch. It wasn't loud enough for the Doctor to hear, but still forceful. Clara shook with fear and almost sighed when he removed his hand and pushed her away. She turned and ran home as fast as she could.

"What did you do?" The Doctor asked Davros, who was checking to make sure Clara had gone. He then turned around and walked straight over to the Doctor, making himself as intimidating as he was to Clara.

"You never go near that girl again. Do you hear me? She is vermin under your feet. I don't want to hear of you speaking with her again or there will be consequences."

Davros hastily turned on his heel and entered the house, leaving the Doctor confused and hurt. There was no way he was going to listen to what Davros told him. Clara was in no way vermin, nor would she ever be.

* * *

There was a knock at the door and Ellie froze.

"Clara, could you get that for me?" She asked gently, trying to make sure no panic came through.

"Yeah, sure." Clara replied, walking to the front door and opening it slowly.

She tensed when she saw a uniform but relaxed again when she saw it was just the Doctor.

"Clara, who is it?" Ellie called from the kitchen. Clara was about to reply when the Doctor waved his hands around and shook his head, telling her not to say it was him.

"Um, just Eva. I'm going to go out for a little while. Bye!" Clara rushed out her words so quickly, Ellie barely had time to object before she heard the door closing and Clara was gone.

Ellie ran to the front door and opened it to see Clara running off with a boy, who she knew was all too well, the Doctor. Looking to the coat rail beside the door, she panicked as she realised Clara had gone out without her coat. That meant she wasn't wearing a star. It was already seven 'o' clock and curfew was at eight.

"Dave!" Ellie called in a frenzy, making him run to her. "Dave come quick!"

The Doctor and Clara ran as fast as they could to a barn just down the road. It had been abandoned for years and they'd play there when it rained and couldn't go to their field.

They climbed the ladder to loft and sat down on some old blankets they'd placed there years before.

The moment they were comfortable, the Doctor pulled Clara into a deep hug.

"I thought we'd never see each other again. You hear about everyone leaving Germany at the moment, and I thought you had to." The Doctor murmured into her hair. She enjoyed being in his arms and didn't want to let go.

"No, I'm still here." She whispered in return, making him hold tighter. They giggled through their growing tears and slowly lay down n the covers next to each other.

They held their grip tight and it felt right to be in each other's arms. It also felt like a last time, which made it all the more heart-breaking and special.

"I wanted to see you..." Clara started, unsure of whether she'd be able to finish without getting upset.

"I know." The Doctor replied, stroking her hair. It had been four months since they'd seen each other. The Doctor had definitely changed and so had Clara. He'd allowed a lot of what he was taught to get to his brain and whilst he held Clara, he couldn't help but feel like it was wrong.

When he thought of holding Clara, everything in the world seemed right. But when he thought of holding a Jew it seemed wrong. He couldn't see how that could be one and the same. Clara was his everything, but she was Jewish. The word sent off alarm bells in his head, but he wouldn't act on them; Not to Clara.

"They told me I was stupid, for befriending a Jew." He whispered. His words made Clara shiver with shame and self-hatred. She didn't understand why society hated her so much for something she had no control over. "But I don't see how I am." The Doctor continued. "You aren't evil or anything they say you are. Is it just you or is it everyone?"

Clara shrugged and felt at a loss for words. "Maybe it is true." She whispered sorrowfully. "Maybe they're right about me."

The Doctor shook his head violently to object. "No, they're not! You're not evil. You're just Clara. My Clara." He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes to absorb the feeling that rushed through her body.

She looked up to him and pulled his lips to hers, taking as many kisses as she could. They stayed that way until they heard Dave calling Clara from outside.

Clara pulled back and looked down. "I have to go." She murmured. "I don't want to." She added.

"Then don't." The Doctor replied, trying to kiss her once more.

"Clara, it's nearly curfew! Are you insane? I know you're in there!" Dave called up to her.

"Crap!" She whispered upon hearing that. "I really have to go." She stood up and waved goodbye to the Doctor. "Bye. See you around."

She climbed down the ladder and ran over to Father.

"What's wrong with you Clara?" He asked worriedly. "You could get yourself in a bad situation. Especially considering you're not wearing your star!" He looked up to the loft of the barn. "You too Doctor!" He called, knowing it had been heard and Clara smiled a little.

"I'm sorry Papa. I didn't think." She lowered her head apologetically and he put his arm around her shoulders.

"Come on, we have about ten minutes to get home. Better run."

The Doctor looked out of a crack in the wall and saw Dave and Clara running down the street, towards their home.

* * *

They ran around their living room, grabbing what they absolutely needed, and only that. Clara stuffed her things into a bag and watched as her parent's anxiously looked of the window every few minutes.

She'd never been so scared in her life and she could tell her parent's were the same.

The whole family jumped when there was a knock at the door. They all stared at it for a few moments, before Clara stood forward to go and answer it.

"Clara, no!" Ellie whispered.

"What if it's someone we know?" Clara whispered calmly. "And I don't think they'd knock."

She walked steadily over to the Door, trying to slow her quickened heart rate. She opened it slowly and almost collapsed in a sigh of relief when she saw it was just the Doctor.

"Oh my god, you scared me!" Clara said and she noticed her parent's carrying on their rushing around.

"I just came to...Clara what's going on?" The Doctor asked, upon realising the panicked state they were all in.

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry, but you need to go." Clara tried to push him out of the door, but he stepped inside.

"Are you leaving? Why?" The Doctor observed his surroundings and Ellie grabbed Clara's coat and put it on her. He noticed that her star had been removed and she was holding a tiny bag that looked a little like a suitcase.

"We have to. We'll be killed if we stay here" Clara murmured, getting her Father's things ready. Why would they be killed? The Doctor could see how stressed out Clara was, but he needed to know if this would be the last time they saw each other.

"But...Where?" He asked quickly.

"Holland. Where it's safe." She replied as fast as she could, then noting everyone was ready.

Ellie walked towards the door. "We have to go, we haven't got time!" She called to them and they ran towards the entrance to their home.

"Clara!" The Doctor called out, grabbing her arm. He expected her to wait, but instead she kissed him and he felt a small teardrop run down her cheek.

"Don't tell them where we've gone. Please." She begged him.

She then ran out of the house, after her parents and he saw them walk away. He saw the key to their house resting by his feet and he picked it up. Locking the door, he checked nobody was watching and then slipped it into his pocket in case it should ever be needed again.

He kept telling himself that he'd see Clara again, someday soon; but he knew he was only fooling himself.


	3. Dying Souls

**New Chapter :)**

**I can see people have read it, but please review guys so I can see your opinions! Or I get really worried it's not doing too well.**

**Now, this may seem a bit like skipping ahead but it's not. There is a story that you will fully discover next chapter, and in that there will be flashbacks to what happened in the time missed out here. I'm not forgetting any of that!**

**I noticed a lot of spelling and grammatical errors in the last chapter. Sorry! I'm usually meticulous about that, but I was tired.**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

They thought they'd be safe. They were wrong. Hitler had gone to Holland. He was enforcing the same rules as he had in Germany.

They'd made a lucky escape two years before. One of Dave's friend had forged them papers to get them across the border, but it was no use anymore. They'd been caught out.

Five soldiers piled into the room and stood waiting.

"You may pack one suitcase." They told Clara and her family. "Five minutes."

They all ran straight to their rooms and packed as quick as they could. The soldiers watched them as they did.

Clara struggled to pack as she was shaking from fear. The soldier stood by her, his gun hanging out of where it was resting. She couldn't help but stare at it, fearing what was to come.

"Hurry up!" The solider snapped at her when she froze for a moment, and she threw in two last things before zipping up the case and walking back through into the main section of the house, taking in deep breaths.

Clara ran over to her Mother and held her hand. Her Father held her other hand and they huddled close and looked at each other.

They were ordered to leave their home and get in the back of a truck with others. Everyone around them was scared; who wouldn't be?

Clara refused to cry though. She clung onto her parents as if it was the last time she'd see them, and made sure she'd told them she loved them. The truck bumped them around a lot and they shivered every time it did. They were wearing thick coats as it was freezing outside, but the cold still bit at their faces.

They were taken to a station, an hour away from where they started. Clara expected to see a train, but only saw old cattle trucks. She was confused for a while, until she realised that the carts were for them. _They_ were going to be shoved into cattle trucks, like animals. She kept her head down and prayed that the soldiers wouldn't notice her.

They were forced to queue up. Some people were taken directly onto the truck and some were taken to the left. The people that were sent to the left were all huddled in a corner. Clara wasn't sure which side she should hope for. She kept quiet and didn't make a fuss so that the guns in the men's pockets wouldn't be brought out. She was at the back of the line and didn't know what that would mean for them. Clara had to fight the instinct to run as the line got shorter and shorter.

When they reached the front of the queue, Dave was sent to the right, towards the trucks. Clara stepped forward and she was also sent in the same direction. She felt relief flood her body upon knowing she wouldn't be separated from her Father.

She walked slowly away, listening to what was chosen for her Mother. She faintly heard "left" and turned around to see her Mother walking in the opposite direction.

"No, Mama!" She cried out, making Ellie turn. Dave grabbed Clara's arm and dragged her away so she'd carry on walking. Soldiers had noticed her cry and Dave tried to hide her face so nothing would happen to his daughter.

"Stay with your Papa Clara!" She heard Ellie call. She saw the men surrounding the crowd on the left pull out their guns. She knew she should have carried on walking but she turned around to see what was going to happen.

"No!" Clara whispered to herself as they raised their weapons and pointed them towards the crowd. Dave grabbed her arms tight and took her away, knowing what was coming next.

She wished she'd never heard it; the sounds of guns going off. She wished she'd never heard the screams of daughters and Mothers, Fathers and sons begging for their lives. She wished she'd never turned around to glimpse it as she saw her Mother fall down to the ground. She wished she'd never seen the blood pooling up on the ground, like a stream.

Tears pricked at her eyes and she realised what this meant. Her Mother was dead; murdered by those monsters.

Clara had always tried to see the good in the life they'd been given, but she couldn't anymore. That was when she gave up. She would try and survive for her Mother, but only for her.

She barely registered being forced onto the truck. Her Father managed to find them somewhere to sit and he held Clara close. She'd swallowed down all tears. She was emotionless. It killed Dave to see his daughter so empty. Ellie had always been close with Clara. He had to be strong, for Clara, but he wasn't sure he could be.

By the time they reached their destination, Clara was sure she wanted to die. She was starving and tired. There were at least another hundred people in the same cart as them, and they had been cramped.

They were forced out of the trucks and made to line up outside of them. In front of them stood buildings surrounded in barbed wire. It seemed like the place birds wouldn't even fly over. This was their future. This was what they'd been condemned to.

There was a sign stating they were at a place called "Bergen Belsen." Clara knew that, that name would be imprinted on her mind forever as the place that took away her life.

One man who was in charge started shouting orders at everyone.

"Women, to the left. Men, to the right." He called, and everyone scattered to their places. Guns were pointed at them all around and no-one dared to disobey. Children clung to their parents, crying for help.

"I'll find you Clara!" Dave said to her, giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Stay strong. I love you." He held her hand for as long as he could, before he was dragged away by the crowd.

"I love you too Papa!" She called, then running to the left so she wouldn't be the last one there.

They were ordered into pairs and she made sure she didn't lose her façade she'd built. She couldn't be seen as weak in these men's eyes. They were slowly marched into the camp, the opposite direction to the men.

They were forced to hand in their belongings. Clara knew they weren't getting them back. They'd only been told to pack so they'd have false hope; hope for an ending to this sorrow and hurt.

Everyone was given striped uniform and forced to hand in their clothes. Other workers at the camp cut their hair short, so much they looked the same. Everyone was made to be just another person in the camp. They were all to be treated identically; as vermin. And that's how they felt. They felt how the soldiers wanted them to feel.

Clara could feel her world had gone into black and white. Everything was dull and dead.


	4. Losing Faith

**Thanks to everyone who's followed and reviewed and read this story so far! It means so much to me!**

**It's really interesting reading your reviews because this story is not going to be like a lot of people think. Not in the manners, but in the development of the characters (that will make sense later on).**

**But because I feel like I'm going to give too much away in this little author's note at the beginning, the rest is at the end for after you've read. **

**So, thank you and enjoy!**

* * *

He'd made his way up through the ranks. Yes, he was a young officer, but he worked hard for his place.

When the opportunity arose, he volunteered to be an officer at one of the camps. After all, that was what he'd been raised to do. His whole life had been aimed towards being a senior officer, and that's what he was.

Eventually, the brain washing had got to him. He couldn't stand every filthy Jew that he had to see walk through the gates of his camp. Every so often, he'd feel compassion towards them, but most of that had gone.

He'd lost any sympathy towards Jews four years before.

He had to make sure that everyone was doing their jobs correctly. He moved around the barracks after three months, taking those that had been there the longest to be gassed. It was quicker that way. He did his job well and he didn't care.

Life was different to how he'd imagined it would be as a child, but that was fine. He'd learnt that the world expected him to the job he'd been brought up to do and nothing more or less.

Davros was proud of him; of course he was. He had made sure the Doctor had a high ranking on his first day of joining the SS. And the Doctor enjoyed it too. He wanted to work hard for his country. Sometimes it felt wrong, trying to eliminate all that wasn't them from the Earth, but then he'd hear what he'd been taught all his life and his instincts kicked back in.

He went into the officer's block on his breaks most days. Having a cigarette and a laugh with the other men calmed him down and made him feel relaxed. He tended not to approve of when the officers brought female Jews in there to choose from.

Of course, that's what those girls were for. They were marked that way upon arrival. They always chose the prettiest ones for the officer's amusement. The Doctor had never seen the point of it and didn't particularly want to get involved in that sort of thing.

Usually the officers would go to the certain barracks where the ladies were held and choose in person, but some of them wanted to pick from a "variety."

He tried to stay away from the block when this went on as he didn't want to be dragged into it.

Unfortunately for him, he walked in one time and couldn't leave. His fellow officers had a two girls in there and wanted to show him some plans at the same time. The Doctor couldn't walk away from his duties, even if he had to be in there whilst the girls stood there, shaking from fear. He didn't care that they were scared. He just felt that it was too casual a place to be discussing work.

One of the Officers, Baum, had a particular taste for the new girls. He kept asking the Doctor if he wanted his old one. The so called "older one" was quite short compared to the other girl. In fact, she was quite short compared to most people.

She kept her head facing the ground. It must have been a way for her not to be noticed. She seemed very calm and composed, even though he couldn't see her facial expressions. For some reason, the girl looked vaguely familiar. He wanted to take a closer look.

"You." He pointed at the girl, interrupting the conversation he'd been having with Baum, who started to object at first and then decided not to.

"Step forward." He ordered. The girl took a step in front of her and stood still, her head still down. He got a little annoyed at this. Usually he would forcefully push her head up, but it was his break.

"Look up." He commanded. The girl lifted her head slowly, her eyes remained locked onto the floor. She wouldn't make eye contact with anyone in the room.

Upon seeing her face, the Doctor felt his world tear in two.

How could it be that he was looking at the girl who he'd loved for most of his childhood years?

She was thin and weak now, her hair in a ragged mess. It had obviously been cut badly, but it'd had plenty of time to grow back. He couldn't believe she was in this room with him. He'd thought she'd survived, maybe escaped to England. He now wondered if she'd have been better off dead. The thought of what she was going through haunted him and he started to question everything he'd known for the last few years.

* * *

**_1 month__ earlier _**

A year and a half in that place. She'd worked until she couldn't anymore and wanted to die.

She caught a tiny glimpse of hope when she was put on a train, out of the blue. She prayed her Father would also be on that train so they'd stay together, but she severely doubted it. She wasn't even sure if her father would still be alive.

The train journey was awful, but she no longer cared. There was no food for days and nowhere to sleep or move, but it was much the same as before.

Maybe this journey would take her to a better place? She kept on telling herself that to try and ease her fears.

She knew that there had been no point in hoping at all when she got out of the cart. The snow surrounding her, froze her bare feet and she was shivering.

Hundreds of people around her were exactly the same. They all looked lost and frightened. Clara tried to stick to a few faces she'd known from the last camp, but they all disappeared within the crowd.

They were once again separated into men and women. Clara had a strange feeling about this place. It didn't seem right. It wasn't like the last place; it was more of an end.

She knew when they started splitting the women's line in two that something had changed. Every woman was asked her age and then directed to the left or the right. Why always different directions?

Clara stood forward and stated her age. She was now twenty-one and technically an adult, although she still felt like a child at heart. She was directed to the right and into another line.

She watched at the people in the left were rounded up and taken somewhere else. As awful as it sounded, she hoped that she was going to a better place than them.

She filed through a gate to another area. In the iron it read, "Work Makes You Free." Somehow she highly doubted that.

Everyone around her were being sent off in groups to three different stone buildings. Clara was told to go with one group to a certain place. This hadn't happened before and it made her scared. She kept her head down and did as she was told, praying that this was the way to survive. This was how she'd survived the last few years; by keeping her head down.

As she entered the building, she felt an officer's cane hit her in the chest and stop her in her path. Her heart rate increased and she started praying to anything that could save her. She stood still and watched as everyone else walked on into queues. The officer used his cane to raise her chin and lift up her head. Once she was looking up, he walked around her to inspect her. She froze to the spot and tried to make sure she didn't look scared, even though she knew she was shaking.

"You." He suddenly said to her. "Over here."

He took her into a line and made her wait in it. She was unsure of what was going on and started struggling to breathe.

As Clara started to reach the end of the line, she saw everyone having numbers tattooed onto their arms. She didn't want this to happen to her, but she knew she had no choice. When it was her turn, she sat where she was supposed to and waited for her number to be inked on. It had always been disgraceful to mark your body, according to her parents. But they weren't there anymore to protect her.

The officer who had stopped her earlier whispered something to the man doing the numbers, who nodded in agreement. Clara didn't want to look down when they did it. It hurt a lot and she knew that the sight would make her feel sick. She winced every time she felt the needle pierce her skin and she shut her eyes tight to imagine that it wasn't happening.

Once it had been done, she was taken to a barrack with a group of other girls. She had to choose a bed in and that's where she was to sleep.

Clara wondered what job she would have to do here. In the last camp, she'd been sorting out belongings on the new people who arrived.

All the other girls in the barrack stared at them, looking sad and hurt. It occurred to Clara that something was different this time. She didn't feel quite right about the way she'd been brought in. Hesitantly, Clara rolled up the sleeve of her shirt and read what was on her arm.

"For Officer's Use Only."

She gasped in horror and tried to hide her terror. Her bed was fairly near to the door and Clara suddenly wanted to run and hide more than she ever had before.

Less than two hours later, two officers came into the barracks to "assess" the new girls. One immediately took a liking to Clara and forced her to follow him. She refused to look scared, even though that's what she was inside. She had no control over what he was going to do and she couldn't pretend that she wanted her Mother more than ever in that moment.

He took her to a room, that was obviously where he slept. It was small but much better conditions than where she was. She stood calmly, waiting for her instructions.

She felt the man grab her shoulders tight before he turned her around to face him and unbuttoned her shirt. She heard her breathing quicken and she thought she was going to cry, but she didn't. He forcefully ripped the shirt off her, exposing her naked chest to the cold.

It was hard for her not to flinch when he stuck his cold hand underneath her bottoms and pushed them down her legs. His hand wondered in places it had no right to. He pointed towards the small bed in the corner, and Clara walked slowly towards it. He noticed her small movements and pushed her onto the bed with a hurtful force. The man flipped her over roughly and gripped her skin tight, sure to leave horrible bruises.

She tried to hide her face in the pillow, but he'd grabbed her cheeks with one hand and held her head so that she couldn't move. She heard him unzipping his trousers and pulling them down. She didn't want to see what was going to happen.

He used his knees to move her thighs apart and pushed one finger inside of her and Clara's muscles went rigid. She knew he was happy when he realised that she'd either not done this much before or never at all.

He took no time in positioning himself after that, before forcing himself hard inside her.

Pain ran through her body and she would have cried out, had it not been for the fear overriding all her natural instincts to fight.

He pushed hard into her over and over again. She squeezed her eyes tight shut and allowed one tear to fall down her cheek as she clenched her fists and worked through the pain. Every time he slammed into her, she felt like she was being ripped apart. The way he gripped her body added to the pain and she whimpered for help softly, making him snigger and laugh.

After a while, she felt his seed fill her and it was all over. He got up and left her lying on the bed for a few moments. She felt disgusting in her own skin and wanted to boil it off.

Clara could feel the blood dripping down her legs, reminding her each second of what had just happened.

She'd thought life was bad before, but now she knew how much worse it could get.

She may have still been living, but she was dead inside.

* * *

**Basically: What happened to Clara in this story did in fact happen to girls in the holocaust. It's known very widely that it was done at aushwitz. They chose the prettiest girls and instead of marking them with numbers, marked them for the officers. **

**Also, all guards at aushwitz had been severely brainwashed in the process of becoming a Nazi, and all were volunteers to work at the camps. **

**Some facts there that might be interesting. (I want to put a smiley face but I feel it's inappropriate for the subject matter. :/) **


	5. Inside The Mind

**Okay, so according to some reviews I might need to clarify.**

**I understand that the Doctor wouldn't act that way usually, but then most people wouldn't. If you live in an environment where everyone around you is telling and acting upon a hate towards people, you will eventually start to believe it and adapt to it. It is a simple for of brain washing. Also, when soldiers joined the SS the first thing that happened to them was they broke them. They were given a puppy to love and cherish for six months. When that time was over they would call them into a room and force them to shoot the puppy dead. If they couldn't do it, they couldn't be a part of the SS .That was how they broke people. Hope that clarifies why he's acting that way. This chapter may not help this. Seeing Clara has caused his brain to start functioning properly again, but it's hard to fight off something strong inside your head.**

**And, for people who think this fic is horrible, I _did _ask on tumblr first for that very reason. I know it may seem disgusting and horrible, but it's what actually happened to people and as horrible as that sounds, I'm not going to dress it down for any reason. I said that it would be all factual and true and I wouldn't hold back.**

**If you don't want to read anymore, I completely understand.**

**Anyway, please check out everylonelydoctorneedsaclara's tumblr! She's drawn these great illustrations based on this story and they're amazing! That means a lot to me so, thank you xo**

* * *

The Doctor stared at Clara speechless for a few moments. She still hadn't looked up to notice him and the Doctor wasn't sure he'd be able to cope if he looked into her eyes. He didn't know what he was imagining he'd see in them, but it was definitely not something good.

"Doc!" Baum shouted at him, apparently for a numerous time.

The Doctor snapped out of it and turned his attention to the officer. "What, sorry?" He asked.

Baum laughed and pointed at Clara. "Have her if you want. She's great. Never puts up a fight, just lies there and does as she's told. Doesn't say a word. Pretty thing too. Shame that she's a yid."

Baum was laughing at her and making fun of the fact she was there. It was obvious that she could hear every word he was saying, but she wasn't responding to it.

That wasn't the Clara he knew. That girl would have put up a fight.

But she'd probably changed. Places like this would change a person, for better or for worse.

"So?" Baum snapped the Doctor out of yet another daydream. "You having her?"

The Doctor knew what he meant, but they were definitely not his intentions. "Oh. Oh, yeah." The Doctor nodded to confirm it to his fellow officers.

The other officer, Faust, walked over to Clara and shouted in her ear. "Follow the officer, now."

She shook when his voice hit her and tried not to act startled. She looked towards the Doctor at this command, still not hitting his eyes.

She knew he had a familiar face, but she couldn't place it. She wouldn't place it. The thought that she might know a Nazi disgusted her and she preferred to keep a safe distance from the thoughts.

The Doctor turned on his heel and left the room, Clara following behind.

His room was the next door block and he, also, had his own room. This one was slightly bigger than the other officer's though, meaning he was higher up.

Clara had never seen this man before. It tended to be the same men that came for her, but this one was different. His heart wasn't in it.

She stood in the middle of the room, waiting for the officer to tell her what to do. She heard him lock the door and shut the blinds. She waited to feel his hands grip her and force off her clothing, but they didn't.

Her head was, once again, facing the floor and she could only see up to his knees. His delay in actions made her anxious and she started to worry about what would happen to her. She panicked that she was going to be taken away. She heard stories about the girls who got sick that never came back.

"Clara." A soft voice spoke. She flinched upon hearing her name. It took her a moment to register that someone was calling her by something other than "Jew" and a number.

She hesitantly lifted her head, wondering who on Earth it could be that knew her name.

She stared at his face for a few moments before gasping in shock. It couldn't be.

She tried to avoid his eyes, but she couldn't help staring up at them helplessly. They were now cold and full of ice, but something told her that he was trying to show her compassion.

She couldn't speak. She'd been silent for far too long to even remember what kind of things she should say. He took one step towards her and she flinched upon instinct. She instantly felt guilty for it.

He started to pace slowly towards her, as if she were a wild animal. as she acting like one? Surely not.

That's when Clara realised. The Doctor saw her as an animal. Something that you had to treat with delicacy or it will bite. He was a Nazi. Nothing could change that.

But it wasn't just that. He was high up in the ranks. He wanted to be there and it made Clara feel sick to her stomach at the thought he wanted to watch everyone suffer.

Her stomach was doing twists and turns and she was unsure if she was about to collapse. The freezing temperature of the room didn't help and she struggled to stay standing.

"Clara. It's me." He murmured gently. "The Doctor." He stepped towards her again, his arm reached out to place his hands on either side of her face.

"I know." She whispered, barely audibly. He might have missed if he hadn't been listening so carefully.

When their skin made contact, Clara held her breath. She looked at him finally and studied his features. He may have changed, but this was definitely him.

She exhaled slowly, trying not to give off her fear and confusion, but she was sure it was strong enough to be smelt in the air.

He looked into her eyes and could see nothing. It was almost like looking into the eyes of a dead person. There was no emotion left visible. What she felt, she hid so well and he didn't know if he'd have preferred to see her true feelings or what he had seen at this rate.

When she didn't respond to his touches, he started to worry that maybe she didn't want to be near him. But her actions contradicted themselves as she closed her eyes for a second to absorb it all.

She just stared into his eyes for a while, frowning. She felt like she'd found her way home, but it wasn't home anymore. Like when you move house and get rid of the furniture and suddenly it doesn't feel like where, you once thought, you belonged.

The Doctor felt sudden rejection as she moved away from him. She looked apologetic and scared. He wondered what had happened, before realising that he was still wearing his uniform. After all, he had the ability to take her life away whenever he chose to.

He had to somehow tell her that he wouldn't do this. Everything he'd believed over the last few years died in the few seconds, as he grabbed Clara and pulled her into a hug.

She fell into his arms and rested her head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat which soothed her. He stroked his hands through her hair and kissed her head gently. No words needed to be exchanged to say what they felt.

It was clear that Clara was lost, simply because she didn't return the hug. He knew she was enjoying it from the way she sighed into his chest, but she wouldn't put her arms back around him. Maybe that would make it too realistic for her and put their situation into perspective.

He stepped back and rested his hands on her small waist. He almost misplaced his arms at first, expecting her to be like she was before.

But it was like she was barely there. He could feel every bone sticking out of her skin and it made him cringe that she reminded him of a skeleton.

He felt an overwhelming urge to hurt whoever had done this to Clara, but then he realised that it had been him. It had been the people he worked for and with. And she wasn't the only one. Everyday, he watched hundreds and thousands of people like this and didn't care.

How could he suddenly care now?

Then it struck him that he didn't care about the others. Only Clara.

He knew she was breaking when her eyes started to get red from tears building. He wanted to hold her and tell her that she could cry, but she swallowed down her tears just as quickly as they'd appeared.

Clara started to regain her thoughts and senses. She looked at the Doctor's rank on his shirt and gasped in horror. He ran this section of the camp. He'd watched as the soldiers here shot innocent women for not doing their jobs correctly, getting sick or pregnant. And he'd probably just watched and laughed. She wasn't stupid. She figured out by now that any weak adults and children that arrived at this place were dead. They'd done the same to her Mother. They did the same to those who couldn't work.

She fought her way out his grasp and stood back from him, spitting at him, which she immediately regretted. She felt disgusting doing that to people, but he deserved it.

His first instinct when she spat at him was to reach for the gun in his belt, but he hesitated when he remembered that this was Clara, and he would never do that to her.

The Doctor ran over to her to check she was okay. Upon placing his hand on her shoulder she pushed him away and shouted, "Don't touch me!" at him.

Her throat was raw from dehydration and her voice came out low and strained. She'd shocked herself when the words came out of her mouth and she started flowing apologies to him for her rudeness.

The fear she had of him broke his heart and he finally realised what he couldn't see before. He'd become a monster.


	6. Figuring Out

**1000 views! Thank you guys so much! That means a lot!**

**So, a little bit of a nicer chapter here. All your feedback and reviews have helped a lot, so thank you.**

**Also, I'm just going to have to say that NoLongerAGuest, your review basically perfectly described the story so far! I loved it and it was great!**

**Anyway, thanks a lot and I hope you like this chapter :)**

* * *

Clara was rigid with fear and panic. He needed to calm her down somehow, but he didn't want to upset her.

He did the only thing he could think of and forcefully pulled her back into his arms.

At first she fought, trying to squirm her way out of it, but eventually she stilled and relaxed. She didn't want to be in his arms, but she couldn't fight anymore. Besides, it wasn't her place to choose.

Once Clara was noticeably more relaxed, he loosened his grip on her and allowed her to step back. He noted that she still looked very much like a young adult. A young adult who'd had the remainder of her childhood stolen away.

The Doctor started shivering from the sudden lack of a body next to his, and as much as he tried to hide it, his teeth started to shatter. Damn Poland in the bloody winter.

He then looked down to see Clara's bare feet and thin clothing.

"Clara, get in the bed." He snapped. He hadn't meant for it to sound so much like an order.

His eyes then widened at his choice of words and he realised what that was implying. It didn't help when Clara nodded her head and started to make her way over to the bed in the corner of the room.

She looked defenceless and torn as she walked. He grabbed her arm to stop her movements and turn her back around to him.

"I didn't mean it like that." He said gently, and Clara started to look confused. She couldn't sort out in her head whether the Doctor was someone evil or someone kind. His contrasts in the way he was treating her made it hard for her to distinguish which one he was.

"It's freezing." He explained. "And, I don't want you to get cold." He rubbed his hand up and down her arm a couple of times to warm her up.

She was trying to puzzle out this man. It wasn't like his personality confused her. She knew both sides of it all too well. One side was the vicious and hateful soldier who would kill her if he could. The other was a kind and thoughtful man who loved her.

But it's well known that those personalities do not fit at all together.

She moved to the bed and sat down on it uncomfortably. She kept feeling that someone would walk in and find her there. Then she realised she was allowed to be.

He watched as she sat on the bed and crossed her ankles.

"Clara, you can actually get _in it,_ you know?" He said sarcastically and she nodded, before lifting up the covers and slightly sitting under them.

He walked towards her now and shook his head in amusement. Slipping off his shoes and jacket, he gestured Clara to move over in the tiny bed and he lay down underneath the covers. In honesty, he'd had a long day and he was exhausted.

He pulled Clara down next to him and wrapped his arms around her small body. She shifted around uncomfortably for a while, before finally choosing to rest and place her head in his chest.

He then pulled her in close and kissed her head multiple times. It was a hesitant gesture and Clara could feel that.

But she was warm and for the first time in three years, felt safe.

He watched her as she drifted off to sleep. He was sure she wouldn't at first, but the sudden warmth and comfort of his bed, added to her exhaustion made her fall into a blissful unconsciousness.

He studied her face and examined every detail. He used to be able to draw it out by heart, and he wanted to still be able to do that. He stroked her hand down her side and watched as it made her curl into his chest even more.

The Doctor mentally cursed himself the decision he next made. He gently pushed his hand to the hem of her shirt and lifted his hand under it gently to feel her skin. His hands were cold next to her warmth and she made a sound in her sleep when he touched her. Checking she was still sleeping, he rose his hands up to her ribs and felt them. He almost jumped back five feet when he felt them. They were abnormally prominent and bursting out of her skin.

He quickly took his hand away and held her closer. He felt himself start to fall asleep too and slowly fell asleep from the warmth of another body next to his.

* * *

The Doctor woke suddenly to the bell that sounded when the Jews were fed. He looked at his watch and realised he'd been asleep for two hours. He looked down to the person sleeping next to him and gently shook her awake.

She woke with a jump and sat up straight, panicked. He tried to soothe her, but she heard the bell and sprinted out of bed.

"Clara!" He cried. "Clara, stop!" He got out of bed and walked drowsily over to her. She stilled when his hand started to rub up and down her arm.

"I have to go or I won't get food." She whispered, tensing slightly from the fear of going hungry until they were fed again.

The Doctor shut his eyes tight. He didn't want her to go and they still needed to talk.

"I have some bread that you can have later. Better than the other stuff. That's if you want it?" He offered.

She thought it over in her mind for a few seconds. She could go now and get food, then sleep in the freezing barracks for a while, or she could stay in the slightly warmer room and have better food, but be with an Officer the whole time.

She knew which was the better option.

Clara turned back to the Doctor and nodded her head twice.

He smiled and fiddled with his fingers awkwardly.

"We could talk if you want?" He asked quietly. It amused Clara that he'd suddenly gone shy.

"Yeah." She replied, as enthusiastically as she could manage.

"So..." The Doctor started, looking around nervously. "Do you want to talk here or sit on the bed?"

"The bed." Clara murmured in reply. She wouldn't usually take that option, but it was warmer and she didn't want to have to stay on her feet for ages if there was an option not to.

They both started to slowly shuffle towards the bed. The tension in the room started to grow funny and once they'd caught each other's eyes, they couldn't help but giggle. Clara started to gain some confidence and walked quickly to the bed then. She felt less nervous around him when he laughed. He followed behind and sat next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

"So, how are you?" Clara asked timidly.

"As good as they can be." He replied after a while of consideration. "You?"

Clara waited a few seconds. "I'm guessing those other officers are your friends?" Clara suddenly changed the subject, then kicked herself for not finding something more light-hearted.

"You could say that." The Doctor muttered.

"What do you mean?" She asked, leaning into his side more.

"Well...they all report to me, so I can't be great friends with them. I don't particularly like them too much so never bothered." The Doctor looked to Clara. "Why do you ask?"

Clara looked down and shuffled around. "Just curious, that's all."

The Doctor knew Clara well enough to know that this wasn't just curiosity.

"Clara..." He warned. "Why?" He hated how he felt like a soldier when he demanded things from people. He noticed a shift in Clara's body language when he'd done it too. "Please." He added, to make her feel more comfortable.

But his kindness did the exact opposite and she closed her eyes, doing a technique she'd done since she'd got to the first camp. She'd imagine that she was at home with her Mum and Dad, .It calmed her mind for a while, until she opened her eyes again and realised that it would never be true.

Once she re-opened them, she looked up at him.

"I...They just..." She struggled to find what to say. "I just don't like them very much." She finally decided on.

"Oh." The Doctor said softly. He could tell there was more and was about to tell her that she didn't need to say, but she started again.

"That one you called Baum, I hate him the most." She almost spat out his name and the Doctor could tell that a lot of hate went into it.

"He was the first person to notice me when I got here." She whispered.

It wasn't very specific. It didn't need to be for him to understand what she was saying.

"He never stops. He always chooses me. Why not someone else for a change?" Clara was half-speaking to herself.

"Not anymore." The Doctor whispered to her, making her eyes widen in confusion and shock. "From now on, I'll come and get you." He explained.

Clara shook her head, but a small smile crept to her face. "You can't..."

"I can, Clara. I'm an officer, aren't I? Means I'm allowed." He smiled at her but hers faded, looking down to her arm.

He realised how awful that had sounded and so he took her arm and rolled up the sleeve. She looked away as he did it. She never looked at the markings there from disgust. He planted two soft kisses to it and then rolled her sleeve back down.

"Other Officers can too..."

"I'll warn them." He said finally.

She nodded, knowing that as much as he'd like to think he could, he couldn't protect her.

He lay back on the bed, pulling Clara down with him. She lay in his arms and thought through the entire situation of her life in her head; the situation of the place she was in.

"It's wrong." She finally whispered.

"What is?" He asked calmly.

"It's wrong that, in this place, to have an inclination for goodness is the aberration and to comply with evil is what is expected. How is that right..?" She paused for a moment before saying to herself. "How can that ever be right?"

He couldn't answer that question for many reasons. Simply because it wasn't a question that was meant to be answered. Also, because he was the one who complied with evil. And as much as he tricked himself now that he wasn't whilst Clara rested next to him, tomorrow he would be back to his duties and he'd be the same as before.


	7. Home Is Lost

**New chapter! No update yesterday because I was at a friends. But OMFG. The first trailer. That whoufflé high 5 and Clara crying and I cried. Oh and that preview! Clara remembers Gallifrey! And then tonight's trailer! asdfghjkl. Whoufflé Spinny hug and Clara on a motorbike, more tears (I hope the doctor kisses them better) and just general perfection from David and Billie too!**

**So I hope this chapter is on top of all those feels. **

**For the guest who asked, this story is not meant to just be taking the names. The Daleks were actually originally based on the Nazis and their way of only wanting the world to be like them, dead on destruction, but I felt that if I changed the names it would start feeling disrespectful. Also putting other characters in etc, I just felt that if I made them officers or people in the camps, it would feel wrong or like I wasn't taking it seriously. **

**But the idea is that their characteristics are the same and the idea that the Doctor has a good and evil side we don't know about. I hope that makes sense for you.**

**This chapter took me a while to write, so I hope you find it interesting.**

* * *

Clara left an hour later. The Doctor said it would look suspicious if she was in there all night. He gave her a few slices of bread so she wouldn't go hungry.

He was up all night, thinking about how he wanted Clara back in his arms. He saw her wearing those pyjamas and have the markings on her arm, but he still couldn't accept that she was someone who should die. Not in his mind anyway.

* * *

He entered the officer's block after his first shift for a ten minute break. Baum was in there too, telling the others something about what he'd experienced that day. The Doctor wasn't in the mood to hear his bragging, so sat down in the corner and closed his eyes.

By the time his shift was over, Baum had finished laughing about whatever it was and he'd had a few minutes of peace and quiet.

That night, he went for Clara. He knew he really shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself. Besides, it wasn't against the rules.

He walked into the barrack and all the girls that were awake stayed rigid on their beds. It was almost as if he could hear their silent prayers to not be chosen. The more he looked at them, the more he couldn't help but stare at the states they were in.

He tore his eyes away soon enough when he found Clara's bed. She was on the bottom of the bunks, which made his life easier. She was asleep, so he went to gently shake her.

She woke with a jolt and almost cried out, so he covered her mouth with his hand to calm her. At first she was scared until she saw the outline of the Doctor's face.

He nodded to her and she got up to follow him back to his room. She was struggling with her footing and he assumed it was because it was dark outside.

Once they reached his room, he pulled her in for a hug to warm her up. It had been freezing outside. She cried out when he squeezed her and he instantly leant back to find out what was wrong. She looked down to her feet, holding onto his shoulders for support before standing back up again.

She looked back up at his worried glare and turned from it.

"Clara, are you okay?" He asked gently.

She nodded quickly and he nodded cautiously in return. Once he noticed her shivering again, he rubbed her back to cause some friction, but she cried out once again.

He didn't let it go this time and pulled her face into his hands. "Clara, what is it?"

She rubbed her teary eyes with her hand. "It's nothing." She whispered slowly.

"It's not nothing if you're in pain!" He replied in annoyance. "Let me see." He reached out to her but she pushed him away.

"I said it's nothing!" She snapped at him. "I'm fine." She was adamant but he definitely did not believe her.

"Clara, do as I say!" He shouted in her face. She froze and looked down to the ground. She'd forgotten how loud he could shout and with how much terror.

Upon seeing her cower away from his shout, her lightly stroked her arm. "Let me see." He whispered, and she slowly nodded.

He could tell he'd scared her, and in all honesty, that scared him; the fact he could make Clara fear him.

He gently pulled her towards him and he lightly pressed his hand down on her clothed back. She gasped from the pain and bent over slightly before he removed the pressure.

He stroked her face lovingly, to make her feel safe, before undoing the top button on her shirt. She stared at him, wide eyed, anticipating what he was doing. He hastily undid the buttons and removed her shirt, then turned her around swiftly.

The red lines across her back had ripped through her skin and blistered slightly. The edges had bruised and he could tell she'd been beaten.

Her head was bowed and as much as she didn't want him to, he knew she was crying. He felt his own tears build up at the sight in front of him, as well as anger.

"Clara, what happened?" He asked angrily, manoeuvring her towards the bed. She was still shirtless, so he lay her down under the covers to maintain her dignity. What was left of it, anyway.

"I should be dead." She whispered in reply which made him even more furious.

* * *

_Clara woke up when she heard the bell for everyone to wake. She'd eaten one of the two slices of bread she'd been given by the Doctor, last night, and had saved the other for the morning. _

_She had held it the whole night, from a lack of anywhere to hide it. Just as she picked it up to eat it, Baum walked into the room. She tried to her best to hide it, but couldn't find anywhere. She hated Baum. He liked to pick her and always seemed to have a break. _

_In a panic, she sat on the piece of bread in hope she hadn't been seen. _

_She sighed in relief when Baum walked past her bed and waited cautiously for him to leave. She daren't turn around to see who he'd picked, in case his attention diverted to her._

_She was sure he was about to leave, when a girl on the bunk on top of her coughed loudly. It made him turn towards her bunk and she cursed mentally before putting her head down to stay unnoticed. She realised he was stood right in front of her when she could see his feet ,his cane held beside them, and she lifted her head up to see him. _

_He nodded at her and she nodded in return. She was about to stand up when she remembered the piece of bread she'd been sat on. He'd surely see it. _

_She hesitated for a few seconds before hearing his snapping fingers, which made her stand up abruptly. _

_He started to turn away and she thought for a moment he'd missed it, but she was wrong. Baum abruptly turn back around and picked up the slice of bread._

_Clara stood rigid with fear and anticipation of what was bound to come. _

_She cried out in pain when she felt his cane strike her on the back. It came a second time, harder, and she fell down to the floor, on her hands and knees.. _

_"Where did you get this from?" He shouted at her as she breathed heavily. She didn't answer at first, so he struck her again._

_"From an officer." She cried out. The next three consecutive hits made her back feel numb, and she felt herself get weaker with each one._

_"Tell me the truth!" He shouted, thrashing his cane down on her once more. She screamed out in pain, tears making their way down her face._

_"The officer gave it to me when I missed food." She sobbed. She feared his strikes would never end, as two more came at her. _

_"Which officer?" He shouted, ceasing his thrashing for a moment._

_Clara knew that if she said "the Doctor" they would realise she knew him. It was rare they registered the soldier's names anyway, and to know a nickname was extremely abnormal._

_"I don't know his name." Her voice quivered in a plea for him to stop. She felt one last beating hit her before he kicked her in the stomach and she fell completely down. But with that, it was over and relaxed for a moment. She was grateful that the beatings hadn't been gunshots, but then, if this was life, was it worth living? _

_He told her to get up and she quickly did as he said, taking extreme effort. She ached all over and was struggling to walk. He nodded to her to follow him and she did, making sure she didn't fall in the cold mud. _

_He made sure he hurt her, which she felt made him happier. Every time he dug his nails into her back, she cried out. She was usually still and quiet, but she couldn't stop herself writhing around in agony. He held down her arms to keep her still and as hard as she tried, she couldn't stop the tears that inevitably fell. _

_She was grateful to go back to the barracks when it was over. The other girls tried to check she was okay, but she fell straight to sleep and prayed that she would only have to wake up once that day, for food, if it came. _

* * *

The Doctor lay Clara down on her front, before finding a cloth and some hot water he was going to use for a bath later.

He gently dabbed the cloth on the numerous wounds, apologising every time she cried out. Her sounds of pain were restrained and he knew that she was in agony.

"Just a little more." The Doctor murmured for comfort to her. He accidentally pressed a little too hard on one wound and she screamed.

"Sssh, hush." The Doctor soothed, stroking her hair. "I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice thick. "I'm going to kill Baum." He spat.

"Don't." Clara warned helplessly. "There's no point."

"How dare he do this" He growled in anger. "He had no right!"

Clara reached her hand behind her to find his spare one, and took it in hers. "He had every right. He found me with bread I'd probably stolen." She whispered. "Be thankful I wasn't shot." She hesitated before continuing. "Or not thankful that I wasn't. Depends which way you're seeing this."

The Doctor sat back and put his cloth down, before pulling her up so she could look at him. "What makes you say that?" He asked in offence.

"I don't know, I..." Clara murmured. "I just assumed that you would. Want me dead I mean. Isn't that why you're here?" He could see her try and visibly make herself smaller. He even thought she might sink into the ground if she tried hard enough.

"No!" He gasped in horror at her words. "I would never want you dead! I could never..."

"But you'll happily kill all my friends." She retorted.

"That's different." The Doctor turned his head away.

"How is it?" Clara cried at him. "Tell me how it is different!"

The Doctor turned back to her with a ferocity she knew all too well. "Because they don't matter!" He shouted at her and she nodded in resentment.

"Clara..." He warned as she got out of the bed and picked up her shirt from the centre of the room, gasping as she put it on and it touched her back. She buttoned it up quickly and turned back to him.

"How can you actually think that?" Clara asked in disgust and shame. "How can you actually believe that they don't matter?"

"Wait, I..."

"How am I any different? Why would you kill them if you got the chance, but not me?" Her voice was escalating in volume.

"Clara, quieten down..."

"Just kill me too! I don't want this anymore! I don't want to live! I don't want to wake up in this living hell everyday. I have _nothing_ to live for! _Nothing!_"

The Doctor stood off the bed and stood parallel to her. "You have me." He murmured.

"I don't want to know you." She muttered. "I don't want to feel intimidated of cowards like you, because you have a weapon."

"I'm not a coward." The Doctor said.

"Then shoot me!" Clara screamed in return. "Go on, do it! If you don't, I'll go to the other officers and tell them of how you gave me food. How you nursed me and held me as I slept. How you are forming an attachment to a Jew."

The way she said Jew hit the Doctor in the chest. She spat it as if it was shameful and disgusting. That's what she thought of herself.

"Don't..." The Doctor warned, but she turned away from him and started to walk away.

Clara stopped still when she heard the sound of a gun being prepared, aimed at her.

"Do it." She whispered.

The Doctor pressed the side of the gun to his face. "Clara, I don't want to do this." He was begging for her to stop.

"But you will, won't you?" She turned around. "Because that's what you're meant to do! Kill me!"

She looked at the gun aimed in her direction and walked up to it, until the barrel was touching her head. The Doctor's finger was on the trigger and one twitch could determine Clara's fate.

"Shut up! You have no idea what you're saying Clara!" He shouted.

"Really? Am I just some dumb thing that this planet needs to be rid of? Because if I am, why haven't you done it already?" She was breathing heavily from her anger and watched as the Doctor tightened his grip on the gun. She could see him about to pull the trigger and she closed her eyes. She waited a few moments for a bang, but she heard nothing.

"I can't" The Doctor whispered. "I can't do it."

He lowered the gun down and put it down on the shelf behind him. Clara opened her eyes and watched him in shock.

She stood still in front of the Doctor, heart racing. The Doctor knew she'd proved her point. His first instinct was to shoot her.

Clara felt her head bump the Doctor's chest as he pulled her close to him, holding her neck to be careful of her back.

"Never do that again." He whispered in her ear, and she knew he was crying. "Never do it. If anything happened to you...If I let anything happen to you, especially from my hand, I couldn't live with myself, I couldn't. You don't understand what you are to me Clara. You're right. I don't care what happens to everyone else. But I do for you. Please, don't do that again."

Clara held herself in the Doctor's chest. He kissed her head and stroked her hair as she grew weak and exhausted in his arms, until she struggled to stand anymore. She insisted on going back to her barrack and wished the Doctor goodnight.

Once she was gone, the Doctor picked up the gun again. He examined it before pointing the barrel at his face. As he looked down it, he thought about what Clara had said.

How could he do what he did every day, when they were all what Clara was to him, to someone else?


	8. Choices To Make

**New chapter. Bit of a peaceful one I'd say. Been in my head for a bit, so I hope you like this one! **

**Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing! I will try and get back to you all. I just forget sometimes who I've replied to and who I haven't. But anyway, please review more and give your opinions on the story so far and what you'd like to happen! I really like hearing what your thoughts are! **

* * *

The Doctor had been relieved after a long day's work to finally get some sleep. He'd thought he would rest well, but he was shivering so violently, he couldn't.

An hour into his attempt to sleep, he chose to get up and go to the officer's block, where there tended to be a fire for warmth.

Upon entering, he discovered many other officers there for the heat and warmth of the fire. He sat down on a chair and closed his eyes to get some rest.

He clenched his fist in annoyance when he heard Baum shout across the room, "Doc, hey Doc!"

He opened his eyes and looked over to him drowsily. "What?" He demanded.

Baum leant over to speak casually. "Well, some of the other officers and me have been talking."

"Really?" The Doctor muttered.

"Yes, really. And we noticed that you always take the same girl for entertainment. I mean, it's all your decision, but why have one when there's so many to choose from?" He laughed after his sentence and the men around him cheered to him.

The Doctor quickly thought up something. "I prefer to just have one. Don't ask why, I just do."

The Doctor pretended to be uninterested in his response.

"So, why that one?" Baum asked mockingly.

"I don't know. The prettiest I guess. Not older than me." The Doctor raised his eyebrows to Baum. He knew very well it annoyed the other officers that the Doctor was one of the youngest but a higher status than them.

"Can't argue with that. She is a pretty little thing." Baum laughed, before continuing his conversation with the others around him.

The Doctor looked around for a minute before choosing to go back to bed. Either way, hot or cold, he wasn't going to get any sleep.

Just as he was leaving, Baum called to him again.

"Hey, Doc! You know, you can always go and find yourself a bed warmer, if you know what I mean." Baum made an overdramatic wink face which made all the men around him laugh as the Doctor left.

It then occurred to him that this wasn't a bad idea. He hadn't seen Clara in three days, due to just being too tired.

He walked up to the one of officers on guard outside, and ordered him to fetch Clara and take her to the Doctor's room. He then went back himself and waited on the bed.

* * *

Only a few minutes later, Clara arrived at the door. She looked tired and shaken up that she'd been woken.

"Hey." The Doctor whispered, flashing her a smile. It made him feel a lot warmer to see her return the smile.

"Hey." She replied. She stepped fully into the room and looked to the Doctor for an answer as to why she'd been woken up.

"Clara, come here." The Doctor beckoned, pulling up his covers and getting under them. Clara quickly walked to the bed and got under the covers too.

She sighed in the warmth of them, even though the Doctor was freezing. Anything was better than where she was sleeping before.

The Doctor pulled her close. "I was cold." he whispered into her ear. It made her smile that he'd thought of her.

"So was I." She whispered. He hated himself for not getting Clara before, as she had been much colder than him anyway.

The Doctor pulled her as close to him as he could and kissed her forehead a few times. their feet thrashed around together, looking for a position that would provide them both with some warmth.

Clara looked up to him and smiled. She liked being with him. It was the only thing that kept her sane most of the time. It was the only thing that gave her hope.

He gave a small smile back to her and leant in towards her face.

He heard Clara's breath hitch before his lips captured hers. He'd always remembered them a soft and warm, but now they were cold and scratchy. But he didn't care. They were still Clara's.

He noticed Clara wasn't kissing back and pulled away.

"Sorry." The Doctor whispered. She was staring at him in a muddle of confusions. He could see shock there. Also fear. But underneath, he swore he could see a hint of love.

Clara stalled at first, but then allowed a small smile to creep onto her lips.

"Don't be." She whispered timidly, looking down. The Doctor hated when she'd do that. He always loved looking into her eyes and he didn't understand why she felt the need to hide from him.

He put his finger under her chin and gently lifted it, so that her eyes were level with his.

Then he leant in very slowly, allowing Clara to close the other side of the gap.

The kisses they shared were slow. They didn't need to be hurried or raced. They were just admissions of their feelings for each other.

Clara cupped the Doctor's face, and he held her close. The room got a lot warmer after a while, or maybe it was just their company.

As their kissing lasted longer and longer, the Doctor started to trail his lips down to Clara's throat. She froze when he did, unsure of what he wanted to do.

He instantly felt her body stiffen and realised why. He hadn't meant to make her feel uncomfortable. He casually moved his lips back up her jaw and to her mouth, where she responded once again.

She'd received the message saying that it was her choice. She pulled away from the kisses to talk to him.

"Doctor, I can't." She whispered. He nodded in understanding. The fear of it in her eyes told him just why she couldn't. The only experiences she'd ever had were forced and horrible. The Doctor was there to comfort her, not inflict the same thing on her.

"Sorry..." She started.

"No. It's okay." The Doctor reassured. He pulled her back in for the kiss and they eventually fell asleep that night in a tangle of limbs.

* * *

The Doctor was with two other officers as they sorted out the rotation of barracks. They were patrolling the grounds and examining ever sector.

He was half asleep and couldn't be bothered with it. He expected to see Clara as he walked past her barrack, but he immediately noticed something was wrong.

The barrack was empty. Everyone has gone.

No. He couldn't be right.

He dropped his things and ran.


	9. To Feel Again

**New chapter! All these new Doctor Who things are killing me! God knows what I'll do on the 23rd! Also, Jenna saying there's some kissing. Not going to get my hopes up for a whoufflé snog, but it would be nice. VERY nice actually. **

**Sorry if the end of this chapter is really bad. My eyes are struggling to remain open right now. **

* * *

The Doctor ran around corners and twists.

There was only one reason an entire barrack would have been emptied out. This couldn't be happening. He kept slipping in the mud and feared he would be too late. This was all his fault. He was meant to be organising this, but he hadn't been paying attention recently. His carelessness could have cost him the most precious thing in his life.

He had just about given up hope, when he saw a group of women walking, surrounded by soldiers.

He ran to the front of the line and shouted at the guard to stop.

* * *

Clara stood next to the other girls in the group. Soldiers surrounded them with guns and canes. They were all shaking and confused. They had been taken out of their barracks as a group and told they were to have showers so they could get clean. It didn't make sense why they'd suddenly give them showers now. It could be that the officers wanted them clean, but Clara couldn't see those men caring for these girls' personal hygiene.

She tried to see what was going on when the line came to a sudden halt. She could hear a man shouting at someone. She turned to the girl next to her to ask what she could see, but caught the eye of a soldier and immediately turned away.

She stood in the cold mud, waiting for the verdict on what was happening.

Suddenly, all the girls were forced to turn and head back to their barracks. Clara was confused, as was everyone else. They didn't understand what had made them change their mind.

As they walked back, Clara felt a hand tug on her arm and pull it out of the group. She yelped in surprise, before turning to see the Doctor.

He looked stressed and panicked. She could tell he was resisting an urge to hug her, and she didn't know why.

He gripped her arm tight and took her back to his room. She daren't admit he was actually hurting her, as he seemed in a bad place.

He was half-running back and Clara wanted to know what was going on. They finally made it back to his room, where he slammed the door shut and locked it. Clara barely had time to breathe before the Doctor's arms wrapped around her and she was squished against the Doctor's chest.

She could feel teardrops hit her head, but she didn't want him to bottle it up when she asked what was wrong.

"Thank God. Thank God, thank God." He whispered into her head and she had a feeling that this was to do with her.

"Doctor, I don't..."

"You're safe. It's okay, you're safe." He murmured.

Clara furrowed her brow in confusion.

"But what am I safe from? I don't understand." She leant back and looked at his red eyes.

The Doctor took her hands in his and placed a kiss to the back of each hand.

"It's all my fault. You shouldn't have been taken away .That barrack isn't meant to be. Oh God." He was murmuring to himself and making little sense.

"Doctor!" Clara snapped his attention back to her and she placed her hands on his shoulders. "We were just being taken for a shower. Why are you...?"

"Clara." He murmured, looking her in the eye. "I thought I'd lost you."

He cupped her cheek in his palm and stared deep into his eyes. That was when it started to seem obvious to Clara.

"We weren't going for showers, were we?" She asked quietly, her voice shaking.

The Doctor half-choked a laugh. "You were." He whispered. "Just not how you think."

His sadness and confusion was not mixing well and it mostly ended up in the Doctor holding Clara tight, to the point where she could barely breathe.

Clara allowed him to hold her as she insisted that nothing was wrong. When she could hear his tears stop, she gently manoeuvred them over towards the bed. She sat next to him and held his hands, wiping away his stray tears on his cheeks with her thumbs.

The Doctor stared into her eyes, and she saw something change within his. He had always had an element of himself devoid from emotion before, but now he was letting himself feel again.

He leant in slowly and he didn't need to ask permission before her lips accepted his. She caressed his face to comfort him, as he held her waist.

He moved them to lie back down on the bed as their kisses continued. This time, when he begun to kiss down her neck, she hesitated but didn't resist. She knew he needed it. He needed to know that she was still there.

He couldn't tell her why he wanted her so much. It was because he'd seen himself. He'd realised that he was a murderer. He'd known it all before, but it had never hit home until he was almost responsible for Clara's death, which he would have never been able to shake from his conscience .

Clara leant back as the Doctor undid her shirt. She shied away from his roaming hands, but that didn't stop them from continuing. They stroked the top half of her body, his lips coming to join them at one point. He moved on top of her, placing one arm each side so as to not crush her.

She didn't know what to do with herself, so lay still and allowed him to carry on. After a while of his suckling at her breasts, he moved his lips back up to her mouth and kissed her again.

His hands moved lower this time, underneath the waistband of her bottoms to trace the shape of her thighs and what lay in-between. She remained still as his fingers moved down to where she was sensitive and rubbed.

He opened his before-closed eyes to check she was okay and found Clara biting her inside lip. She was stopping herself from making a sound.

"Let go." He whispered in her ear.

She didn't understand him fully, but his intent was clear. She stopped biting her lip and allowed her back to arch slightly as two of his fingers were inserted inside of her.

She was allowing her body to respond to the touches gradually, allowing a small whimper of pleasure to escape her lips which seemed to fuel his actions.

His mouth resumed it's position on hers, only moving away for breaths every now ad again.

Clara had never seen the pleasure in this certain exercise and had never thought she would, but was finding herself feeling more intimate with the Doctor than ever.

Clara shut her eyes for a moment to relax and when she opened them, the Doctor had removed his shirt. She was looking at his chest nervously when the Doctor kissed her again.

He'd registered that she was resistant, but he needed her more than ever.

Soon enough, his trousers and pants were on the floor and so was Clara's bottoms. Clara moved her legs apart instinctively and tried to soothe her tense body.

She was going to do her usual trick of going into another world, but the Doctor lips hit hers and she could think of nothing else. His hands gently caressed her body as he moved in and out of her. It wasn't perfect, but she liked it. Her breathy gasps of his name spurred him on and he soon saw stars behind his eyes as he collapsed down beside Clara, kissing her forehead, cheek, anywhere he could reach.

He'd been aware that she wasn't flying with him, but she looked happy.

The Doctor took a minute to regain his breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you do anything you didn't want to..."

"No!" Clara cried out. "No, I did want to." She reassured him, flashing him a small smile. "I just wasn't sure how to make it right." He could tell she was fidgeting with her fingers. She always did it when she was nervous. He wrapped his arms around her frail body and pulled her close, to make her feel more confident.

"You are what makes it right."

* * *

"Doctor?" Clara asked a short while later.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"What was going to happen to us? If you hadn't stopped the guards?" Clara heard the Doctor's sharp intake of breath at her question and was starting to believe he'd never answer after his long pause.

"You don't want to know." He muttered guiltily.

"Please Doctor!" Clara begged. She kissed his cheek. "I want to know what is going to happen to us."

"Not to you. Not to you." The Doctor repeated, more for his own benefit than hers.

"Doctor..." She warned. "Please?"

He looked in to her eyes and saw her curiosity. He had to swallow before he could speak. The words almost didn't make it out of his mouth, but they'd formed a sentence before he could think about it.

"The showers come out with poisonous gas."

Clara's eyes widened and she felt sick to her stomach. She looked to the Doctor who was looking away.

"That's..." She started in horror and fear. "That's disgusting, that's inhumane, that's...that's..."

Then she looked up at the Doctor in realisation. She wondered if it was possible to be able to run as fast as the speed of light, so she could escape this situation. She begun to feel light-headed and weak.

"You're the one who takes them there."


	10. The Promise You Make

**So, new chapter! It's 4.50am and I'm updating! God knows why.**

**Actually, it's because I woke up at 3am still in my ballet gear and realised I'd missed dinner. So I finished the chapter and now here we are! (with a lot of distractions by the way so sorry if this sucks)**

**Thank you so much to everyone who'd reviewed and/or messaged me! It means the world to me so I can't thank you enough! **

* * *

Clara took a deep breath to steady her had. She didn't want to do anything irrational, although what she'd discovered was twisted and disgusting.

"Clara, it's not what you think. It's my job..." The Doctor began, but Clara just shook her head.

"You had a choice." She whispered. She turned and tried to curl her body as far away from him as she could.

"Clara, you know Davros. You know that's what he wanted..."

"Doesn't mean you had to do it." She murmured. The Doctor reached out to put his hand on her back, but she arched her back against him and he received the message.

He tried to think of an apology that would suffice, but then he realised that it wasn't Clara he needed to apologise to. It was everyone who's deaths he'd been responsible for; every family that will never have a brother, mother, sister, mother, father or lover again.

Clara dreaded leaving the bed because of the cold, but she felt like she couldn't stay in it anymore.

She slowly swung her legs around so she would get into a sitting position, before grabbing her bottoms off the floor and pulling them on.

The Doctor often forgot that Clara was deprived of food. He saw her at least once a week, so he never saw much change in her, unless it was extreme.

Her backbone stuck out of her back scarily, even when she wasn't bent over. He reached his hand out to stroke it, as if he could make it all better. She flinched slightly when his cold hand touched her back, and she felt tears pooling in her eyes as he caressed it lovingly.

She allowed a tear to roll down her cheek, then grabbed her shirt and quickly buttoned it up. She stood up slowly, not turning around. The Doctor wanted to run and hug her as she walked to the door, but he didn't.

When she reached the door, she turned her head to the ground, so he could see the side of her face.

"I'll see you next time." She whispered and then left.

She'd wanted to tell him that she didn't want to see him again, but that was a lie. He was the only person keeping her safe in that hell-hole and as much as it killed her to know it, she needed him. Also, it wasn't her decision on when she saw him next. He was the one who could collect her at any time and she'd have no say in it, unless she was willing to suffer further consequences.

When she got back to her barrack, she silently cried and allowed all the tears to flow out.

* * *

The Doctor walked around his room, considering whether or not to go to Clara. She'd looked so torn up the last time he saw her and he feared that his face wouldn't have been a welcomed distraction.

He clung the note in his hand and chose to take it to her.

When he arrived at the barracks, he realised Clara wasn't there. He walked up to a group of girls in the corner, who huddled away from him.

"Hello, have any of you seen Clara?" He asked carefully, unsure if the girls were Dutch or Polish.

They all looked around amongst themselves, whispering.

"Yes." One girl replied. It was clear she was German and speaking for the rest, as the others only knew certain amounts of it. "She went with an officer half an hour ago."

The Doctor shut his eyes for a brief second, to not go unnoticed by the girls.

"Erm, do you know when she'll be back?" He asked.

The girl translated it into another language for everyone, who all shook their heads. The youngest girls still looked fearful of him.

"Can you give her this for me?" He handed the girl the note who looked over it in confusion.

"Of course." She replied, uncertain. Clara never treated him as an Officer, so he found it strange to see everyone cowering away from him and having to consider whether or not to speak.

The Doctor turned to walk away, but snapped back around. "Don't read it," he warned.

The girl nodded and he felt like he could trust her. He pulled a few slices of bread from his pocket and threw it to the girls.

"For your helpfulness." He said and nodded, before walking off.

He couldn't help but run over the disbelief in their faces when he'd given them the bread. He knew it was the right thing to do. One right could save a wrong?

He knew he was only trying to fool himself. Thousands of extreme wrongs cannot be helped by a tiny slice of bread.

* * *

Later that night, the Doctor chose to go to the barracks to see if Clara had received his message.

He walked in, careful to not make a sound at first before he realised that he could.

He walked to Clara's bunk and gently tapped her shoulder.

She woke quickly, burying her head into the hard wood, not needing to ask who it was.

"I got your note." She whispered. She was still not looking at him, but she'd reached out for his hand which he'd given to her to hold. "We should talk elsewhere."

She sat up slowly and allowed the Doctor to hold her while she gained her balance. It annoyed him how she felt somehow lighter than the little weight she was before. He usually gave her bits of his food, but she hadn't got any in the last week.

Once they reached The Doctor room, Clara stood in the doorway.

"Hi." The Doctor whispered. Clara nodded in return, which upset him a little.

The Doctor took a breath to start speaking.

"3 weeks?" Clara piped up ahead of him. She looked down to the floor, as did he.

"Yeah." He replied. "Davros is having a 60th birthday party. I'm expected to be there with all the officials. I then have some business to attend to in Berlin."

The Doctor swore he saw Clara roll her eyes at him, but he couldn't tell too well in the dim light.

"So, I'll be seeing you then." Clara finalised. She made it sound like the end of the conversation, but he didn't want it to be.

"Clara, I'm not forcing you to stay if you don't want to, but please talk to me. We need to talk." He was begging her and she looked over, considering his proposition.

"Fine." She whispered, making her way over to the bed because she didn't want to stand for much longer. The Doctor followed her and sat beside her, not an inch of their bodies touching despite their close proximity.

"Clara, are you okay?" The Doctor asked gently.

"Yes. Like always." She replied emotionlessly.

"Which officer took you out earlier?" He asked surprisingly calm. Clara inhaled sharply.

"Does it matter? You don't own me..."

"I never said I did. I was just curious." The Doctor had a general look of innocence and curiosity to him. It reminded her of when they were children.

She stumbled slightly. She'd been expecting him to get angry. "Some...Some new officer. Don't know his name." She whispered.

The Doctor put his arm around her shoulders. "Was he gentle?" He asked quietly, and Clara knew what he was checking.

"No. But then, none of them are." She murmured.

"Not even me?" The Doctor felt awful for asking and reminding her, but it had slipped out too soon.

"You don't count." She replied. He smiled at this and gripped her shoulders tighter.

"So, did he hurt you?" The Doctor got straight back to business.

Clara considered lying or thinking up some clever answer, but she couldn't.

"I don't think he intended to." She whispered. The Doctor felt his first clench at these words and thoughts of hate pricked into his mind about the new officer. "He scratched me a little. Usually , you wouldn't notice if you were absorbed in the moment but...as you can tell, I wasn't."

Instead of getting angry, the Doctor just asked, "Where?"

She lifted back her shoulder blades so he knew. She allowed him to lie her down on her front as she undid her shirt. She didn't know why she'd do this, even when she was mad, but she suspected it was mostly for the comfort.

He removed her shirt carefully and looked at the darkening red scratch marks over the old marks on her back. They looked quite vicious, but he knew they weren't too bad. There were only three, but they probably stung.

He lowered his lips onto each scratch and took the time to kiss each one better. Clara felt herself drifting off to sleep, but forced herself to stay awake for a while longer.

The Doctor rested beside her, and pulled her into his arms. "I know you hate me Clara, but I need to know if you told the other girls what I told you?" He asked regretfully.

"No." She quickly replied. "What's the point in them losing hope?"

The Doctor thought this over. "Don't lose hope Clara." He whispered into her ear, hushing her to sleep.

* * *

She hadn't intended to, but she fell asleep in his arms. She'd tell herself later it was for the warmth, but she knew it wasn't entirely true.

When she woke up in the morning, the Doctor wasn't there. He'd gone home to Berlin.

She got up slowly and found a note on the drawer by the bed.

_"See you in three weeks. xxx"_

She smiled to herself. The note wasn't specific in case another officer found it, but the kisses gave it away slightly.

She took some bread and ate it, also some water.

"Be back soon." She whispered to herself, then leaving the room and heading bac to her barracks.


	11. Chances To Take

**Forgive me if this chapter sucks, but I'm about to pass out from exhaustion.**

Doctor!"

Davros extended his arms as the Doctor walked through the front door of his childhood home. It had always been big, but it now it felt like it was towering over him.

"Happy birthday Davros." He replied, allowing a pat on the back and returning one in good will.

"Not my birthday until tomorrow!" Davros reminded him.

"Of course." The Doctor replied. He looked at all the party decorations up in the hall and he wasn't sure if it was possible for him to feel more out of place all of a sudden.

"So," Davros interrupted the Doctor's thoughts. "How's Poland?"

"Bloody freezing." The Doctor laughed. "But it could be worse."

Davros nodded his head in approval. "I'm so proud of you Rudolf. I really am."

The Doctor nodded off the fact he had used the name Rudolf and how sentimental Davros was suddenly being. He didn't like the change from Davros' usual horrible self.

* * *

As more men came into the room to organise Davros' party, the Doctor excused himself to go for a walk.

It seemed like years since he'd walked through these streets. They had changed a lot since then and it barely felt like home anymore.

He didn't know how or why, but he found himself at Clara's old home. He walked up to the door and looked through the window beside it. It looked just as abandoned as when he'd last seen it.

"You looking for the Oswald's stuff?" The next door neighbour called to him, making him jump.

"Hello?" He asked. The woman's eyes widened at his uniform.

"Sorry, wrong person." She muttered. "You looked like a boy who used to play here called the Doctor."

She turned to re-enter her house, but the Doctor ran over to her.

"Wait! That's me!" He called. "I'm the Doctor!" He ran over to her door and stood in the doorway.

The woman looked him up and down and tutted. "A soldier?" She cuffed. "Not exactly how I thought you'd end up."

He looked down to his feet in shame.

"You said you have some of Clara's stuff?" He asked quietly. The woman smiled warmly at this.

"Yes, I do." She replied. "Ellie gave me it before they left. Come this way." The woman stood back into her house and lead the Doctor in.

He followed her into another room where there was a box on top of a shelf. She reached up to lift it down but couldn't reach, so the Doctor did it for her.

As he put the box down on a nearby table, he saw a few things that made him smile. One by one, he pulled each possession out with great care.

He pulled out an old tatty teddy bear, Claude. As children, the Doctor and Clara had called it their baby. They would take it everywhere as tell people they'd had a child, but you mustn't laugh at it because it looked different; it was still beautiful at heart.

He stroked the worn fur gently and put it down to the side. He then pulled out a few pieces of delicate china, not particularly caring for them.

He almost cried when he reached a yellow piece of paper.

It was a telegram he'd sent Clara when he was twelve. It was his first telegram and he sent it to her. She'd shouted at him at the time because of how long it was. It had cost Davros a fortune, but the Doctor didn't care. It was just one more thing he'd happily do to make Clara smile.

It read, _"Dear Clara. This is my first telegram so i am sending it to you. This is just to tell you how beautiful you are and what's a better way to say it?_ _Keep on smiling all night and day because when you smile, I smile too. You have the most beautiful smile in the world and it's all I dream about. Eternally ours, your Doctor."_

He had made it as cheesy as a twelve year old could. The "eternally ours" came from a childhood joke. They hated saying yours faithfully, so chose eternally and swapped it around to ours.

He put the paper next to the bear, before pulling out the last thing. He recognised it of course.

It was Ellie's necklace. It had two charms on it; one being a Chai, which he was told meant life, and the other a golden locket containing a family picture in one side and a picture of the Doctor and Clara in the other.

The neighbour walked over to him. "She wanted me to give you this. She put the pictures in before she left. Said that you would find Clara and give her these. God knows how, but she believed that you would be with her and protect her daughter. She probably still does."

The Doctor almost choked, forgetting that she didn't know Ellie was dead. He chose not to tell her.

He picked up the teddy, telegram and locket before nodding his thanks.

"I'll get these to Clara." He promised.

The woman's eyes widened. "You've found her? You know where she is?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yes." He replied and then left with a small smile tugging at his lips.

Ellie had believed he would protect Clara and they would find each other one day. And that faith meant more to him than anything else in that moment.

* * *

The Doctor stood outside the hall in Berlin. He was bored and he didn't need to be in there for another hour at the earliest. They were simply discussing how the camps were running and he wasn't entirely sure why it was necessary for him to be there.

A man came next to him and lit up a smoke, offering one to the Doctor who took it.

"When you going back officer?" The man asked him, blowing out smoke.

"Tomorrow." The Doctor replied to the man.

"Do you want to?" He asked, not sounding like was taking any particular interest.

"I guess. It's my job and I'm proud to do it." He said absentmindedly. It was what he'd been taught to say all his life.

"Glad to hear it." The other man said, throwing his cigarette on the floor and stamping on it. The Doctor turned to the man and saw his superior officer there. "Well done sir." The man said, leaving a baffled and confused Doctor.

* * *

It may have been freezing back in Poland, but the Doctor was excited to see Clara. He almost ran straight to her barracks after getting his stuff down in his room.

She looked extremely happy to see him and threw her arms around him in a tight hug when they reached his room. He hated how light she had become in three weeks and he was going to insist she take his food again.

"So?" Clara asked curiously.

"What?" The Doctor replied, puzzled.

"Why were you wanted in Berlin?" She asked happily.

"Oh, oh that!" The Doctor exclaimed. Clara's arms were still around his neck and he placed his fiddling one on her waist. "They offered me commandant of another camp."

Clara stiffened slightly, but didn't remove her grip. "And you said...?"

"No." The Doctor firmly replied.

"What?" Clara asked in shock.

"I don't want it." The Doctor explained. "I want to stay here with you."

It made Clara's heart warm to hear this. "I'm glad." She quietly admitted. "I couldn't bare to live without you."

He hugged her tight before stepping back with an excited "ooh!"

"I have something for you!" He exclaimed, running to his still packed suitcase.

"What?" Clara asked cheerfully. It made him grin just to see Clara's cheeks have some colour.

He pulled the teddy bear, telegram and locket out of his case and showed them to her.

"But...but Doctor, how? I mean...where? I just can't... I can't believe it."


	12. Thoughts of Logic

**So...Bit more of a thoughtful and fluffy chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I need to personally thank everyone soon, when I have time. If this is a little rushed, sorry. But it's 1am and I have to be up at 6 tomorrow!**

**But omg the minisode is so good! I love Paul Mcgann. Also, clip tomorrow at CiN and just CiN in general! I love this night of the year! One of the best things we have on British television, except Doctor Who of course. **

**Hope you like the chapter!**

* * *

"I went to your home." The Doctor explained. "Your neighbour had kept some stuff she'd been given by your Mother."

He saw Clara's smile drop slightly at the mention of Ellie, but tears filled in her eyes from happiness.

"Claude! Remember him?" Clara picked up the teddy bear, squeezing it tight and laughing . The Doctor felt so happy hearing Clara laugh. It was a sound he'd never tire of hearing.

"Our little baby." The Doctor laughed. Clara's eyes seemed to glow at the fact he'd remembered, and she gave him one last squeeze before putting the bear back down on the bed.

Clara saw the telegram and looked at the Doctor. He was expecting her to roll her eyes but instead, she hugged him and picked it up.

"I remember being so angry with you for this!" She smiled to herself. "You paid ridiculous money to send me this and all it did was make my parent's monitor me to check we weren't doing anything stupid." Clara was having a nostalgic moment and the Doctor loved how fondly she looked back at her childhood.

"I had to do it. And I would again. The money was well worth it." Clara kissed his cheek.

"I never said thank you properly, did I?" She remembered.

"Well, you said it was beautiful a week later, but no; I guess you didn't." He stroked her face.

"Thank you." She whispered, almost apologetically as she made up for what she'd forgotten to do all those years ago. Clara placed her palm on the Doctor's cheek and stared into his eyes lovingly.

"Oh!" The Doctor jumped back as Clara was about to lean in. "There's one more thing!"

Clara looked at him, gleaming from ear to ear as he pulled out the locket.

Her face dropped as he presented it.

"That's my Mum's." She whispered, walking over to him and taking the jewellery from him. "I didn't realise she'd left it behind."

The Doctor stood up and watched Clara as she traced the outline of the circular locket with her index finger before popping it open.

She knew the tears were coming when she saw the picture of her family, happy together, and she swatted her eyes to stop them. She didn't want to seem emotional, although the Doctor had seen her on worse days.

When her eyes drifted over to the one of her and the Doctor as children, she couldn't help but smile. It seemed like a lifetime ago. She couldn't remember looking that way. In the picture, they were fourteen and in their field. The Doctor had surprised Clara from behind on her birthday, lifting her up and spinning her around. Afterwards, they were laughing so much she remained with his arms around her from behind as they fell backwards into the grass. The picture showed them with Clara resting onto the Doctor from behind and laughing onto his shoulder.

Dave had taken the picture. He'd come to find them for her birthday lunch, and could resist bringing his brand new camera out quickly so that they'd remember that moment, years later.

The Doctor walked up to Clara and put his hand out, offering to take the locket from her. She nodded as she gave it to him. He gently pushed all the hair away from the back of her neck and stood behind her. His fingers were gentle as they clicked on the fine chain. Clara looked down at it happily.

"I'll look at this everyday and think of them. When they were happy." She murmured to herself. "And I'll think of us, back then. We were the best."

"We still are." He replied.

She thought it over slightly. "Yeah, we still are." She agreed.

* * *

The Doctor and Clara lay in a warm embrace. Clara's head was rested on the Doctor's chest as his arms were wrapped around her comfortingly.

"I'm glad you're back." Clara murmured drowsily.

"Hmm?" The Doctor asked, his eyes opening slightly.

"This place is so dark without you. And that's not just some cheesy line. It generally feels that way." Clara admitted, allowing her hair to brush against the Doctor's chest. His hand moved up and down her arm absentmindedly.

The Doctor wondered how things had been whilst he was gone. He didn't want to ask, but both of them could feel it itching in the air.

No, he didn't want to know how things had been; more which officers he was going to hate. There was nothing he could do about it, but sometimes he wished he could claim Clara in some way so that she'd be safe. He wouldn't even have to have sex with her ever again. Just to know that she was safe was good enough for him to keep going.

He wanted to freeze time and take these tiny moments of her wrapped up in his arms, so they could last forever. But, as always, the morning comes and they go back to where they are meant to be.

Clara's eyes were seemingly less droopy and she started drawing circles on the Doctor's arms with her fingers. The tingling sensation made him smile

"I know you're wondering." She whispered. He looked down to her in pretend confusion. She shook her head in annoyance with him. "Which officers, right?"

The Doctor looked away. Sometimes, he hated how she could read him like a book. It definitely pulled to an unfair disadvantage.

"Just the new guy...and Baum. The rest all seemed to leave me alone." Clara muttered her words. She hated how casually they came out. Like it was entirely normal to be in her situation.

She remembered being fourteen. At that age, even the thought of what she was being forced into now would have made her feel sick and dizzy. Clara couldn't even imagine of what her Mother would think. Would she be ashamed, disappointed? Or would she be sympathetic?

All these thoughts of her Mother brought tears to her eyes. She'd been taking everything for granted recently. She had almost forgotten that she was living in hell.

Almost.

The Doctor felt a tear drip onto his chest and his thumbs immediately went to her cheeks to wipe them away. He moved around so that they were facing each other.

"Clara what's wrong?" He asked sympathetically.

"I spent so much time believing you were a monster." She begun thoughtfully. "But you're not, or you wouldn't help me. I'm lucky."

The Doctor shut his eyes in realisation. She'd just considered the entirety of her situation, and long story short, it wasn't good. She knew her chance of surviving was slim, but the Doctor knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

He hated that she lived on the other side of the fence in a sense. He saw everything she saw everyday, but from a position of power and control. She saw it from the position of weakness.

"I'm the one that's lucky." He replied. "I don't deserve to have you. I can't find what I've done to make God forgive me enough.."

Clara's eyebrows raised. "Since when have you believed in God?" She asked.

He thought it over for a moment. "Since it became unacceptable to. The more I think about it, the more I'd like to believe that there is a greater force out there making things happen. Whether that be or God or some other being."

"You're sounding Jewish." She whispered, in case anyone outside could hear even though they obviously couldn't.

"Yeah. I know." He murmured.

Clara stayed silent for a while. "I don't believe in God." She blurted out in the silence. The Doctor gave her a questioning look.

"If God is real, why would he allow so many people to die for believing in him? If there is a God, what did my Mum do to be taken away?" She asked, almost to herself.

If the Doctor hadn't been listening closely, he swore he wouldn't have heard the next bit.

"If God is real, Why am I forced to live like this?"

The Doctor had to look away for a moment, knowing that if he looked at her for too long he would start crying.

He was just clearing his eyes when he heard a double knock on the door and someone grabbing the handle.

He quickly rolled on top of Clara, much to her surprise, so that it wouldn't seem like they were cuddling.

A young officer walked into the room and saw the Doctor and Clara's situation. He didn't at all question it, mostly because of Clara's frightened and startled look.

The Doctor turned his head and snapped at the young boy, who quickly left.

Clara looked back to him, her heart racing. "What was that?" Clara asked quickly.

The Doctor clenched his teeth in muted anger. "Some of the officers like to play tricks on the new, younger men; especially by seeing which of us main officers take girls, and then the young ones are forced to deliver a message. They say that it's okay to just walk in. They think it's funny to try and traumatise them. Obviously, they're not too badly damaged."

"That happen to you?" Clara asked, trying to not snigger at the thought. It greatly amused her, the idea of the Doctor's deep red face and his eyes widened, all flustered.

The Doctor looked into her eyes and saw her biting her cheek. "Clara Oswald, I'm warning you!" He pointed his finger jokingly at her.

They both burst into fits of giggles and both took moments to memorise the sounds. In a world where everything was at it's end, why not take the beautiful moments we have left and leisure in them?


	13. Hope and Faith

**Sorry for no chapter yesterday! This wasn't finished and I was up until 2am watching Children in Need. And just now, my Mum refused to let me have the computer so I had to wait until 1.30am to get it whilst she was asleep. **

**So, anyway. Thanks so much to all you amazing people who have been reviewing and messaging me! I love you all so much for it and it means the world to me! Thank you again!**

* * *

The Doctor could tell something was wrong with Clara. He hadn't been able to see her often recently, being loaded with many more responsibilities.

She didn't seem any different to usual. She was just acting "off." The moment she thought he couldn't see, Clara's eyes would sadden and fill with pain. It ached him to know that she was in hard sorrow and unwilling to discuss it, but he feared that mentioning it would make her revert back deeper into her empty shell.

Instead, he held her and tried to make her feel at least a little comfort and making sure she knew that he would always be there for her.

He said the words so often now, they almost seemed stale; but not their meaning. They would always mean as much as they did the first time he said them.

He'd gone and collected Clara at the beginning of the night. He'd been glad she wasn't quite asleep yet, but she looked exhausted and once they reached his door, he had to carry her to the bed.

She was automatically asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, and the Doctor allowed her to get some rest.

He tried to fool himself than Clara wasn't getting weaker; but it was no use. She knew he'd been thinking it recently and she wasn't sure what there was left to do.

He watched her as she slept, her small chest rising and falling. He loved how her head leant into his hand as he started to brushing strands of her hair back from her face. It made him feel like he was wanted.

He removed his jacket and lay behind Clara, hoping to provide some warmth. It was already February, but it was still snowing.

He felt her stir in his arms, causing him to wake from his mild unconsciousness. She shuffled around slightly, turning to face him and placing her hands on his chest.

She smiled when she opened her eyes, happy to see the Doctor's face gleaming up at her.

"You feeling okay?" The Doctor asked instantaneously, his hand instinctively coming to rest on the side of her face.

She shut her eyes for a moment to absorb the feeling and then re-opened them. "Not sure." She mumbled.

He pressed a light kiss to her forehead and kept one arm around her comfortingly. "You sure? Is something troubling you?"

He felt her chest stop rising for a second, before regaining it's function. She remained silent.

"Clara?" He asked, almost like he was demanding an answer.

She shook her head. "No." She whispered. She rested her head on his chest and was determined to fall asleep there. But his concern had woken her up and she leant back to look into his eyes.

He rubbed her back soothingly, trying to slowly get her troubles to come out naturally.

It eventually worked and she spoke in a hushed whisper. "What happens to us? I mean...When we get ill?"

The Doctor could feel Clara's fingers tapping his covered chest and each beat seemed to come longer after the next.

He accepted that he'd have to tell her the truth, because she saw through all of his lies and he always had, and always would.

"They don't make it usually. Or they're sent away." He muttered back, drawing Clara in closer.

"Okay." She choked. Her grip on him had tightened considerably and he could taste the tension in the air.

"Clara, that won't happen to you." At her disbelieved look, he repeated himself. "It won't!"

She turned away from his glaring eyes. "You can't know. You'd like to think you can, but you can't.

Her words plagued him for the next week, and all he could think about was how to find a way of protecting Clara from one of the many inevitable endings. If only things had been different and in a different time, and he, and different man. An honourable man who deserved a woman such as Clara.

Clara's eyes were shut once more and he took time to examine her facial features. Her cheekbones were more than prominent, brought out even more by the huge bags hanging under her eyes.

"I would spend the rest of my life with you if I could." She murmured regretfully.

His next words were pure as they came out straight. "Why don't we?"

"What?" Clara asked, confused as to what he could be meaning. He pulled her face to look at him.

"Let's leave. We can spend the rest of our lives together." He was serious and it broke Clara's heart to know it wasn't possible.

"Don't be stupid." She whispered.

"We can!" He emphasised. "I can quit my job and we'll leave here. We can start a family! Live in the country someplace and have a nice house and a job and a dog and some kids. Can't you see it?" He stroked her arm in persuasion.

he smiled to herself at the thought. "It sounds so perfect." She muttered.

"It will be." He corrected, looking into her eyes once more. "What do you say?"

She smiled and he could see her melting into his proposal, before he senses snapped back into action. "Doctor..." She started. "If there was a way to exchange this life for that, I would give anything. You know that."

"But..." The Doctor edged on, hearing the word about to spill out of her mouth.

"But, this is reality Doctor. I'm a Jew and you're a Nazi. Two things that should never collide and can't. This is all it will ever be Doctor."

His face turned from hers, so she pulled it into her palms and made him face her to emphasise the next words.

"I dream about that life every day. The life we should have had together. Don't you see? I would try and run with you, if we wouldn't be shot at the gates. We can't finish the race if we fall at the first hurdle. I imagine about what it would be like to be married to you. Have two or three beautiful children who we love, very much. It would all be so perfect. Too perfect."

The Doctor's mind came back to reality and he nodded in acceptance. Hearing Clara speak of what should have been probably wounded him more than it should have done. In some ways, it hurt more than what was because in her reality, that would have never happened.

"But, for now, can we just pretend?" He asked hopefully, placing a small kiss to her lips.

"Of course." She whispered back. "Whatever you want my love." She smiled at him and he could have sworn his heart physically melted.

"I love you so much sweetheart." He murmured as his lips re-captured hers and locked them together.

"I love you too." She managed to whimper out in-between kisses.


	14. What's Left Behind

**Wow! Thank you so much for all the amazing and wonderful reviews! I can't believe how many people have found a love for this story, so thank you to every single one of you. **

**If you have any questions or queries about anything to do with this story, or anything in general, feel free to message me on here or tumblr! (andyouremyimpossiblegirl). It can be about absolutely anything, even pure rubbish if you like. It's been pointed out to me that most authors don't reply but I absolutely love to chat and would love to talk to you guys if you want :)**

**Thanks, Shiri**

* * *

Clara lay on her bed, staring up at the bunk above. She couldn't sleep and the cold was making her shiver. She was thinking about the Doctor, and the life they could have lived. She recalled memories from her childhood of when she would do this at home, considering what they might call their children and what professions they would eventually follow. Back then, she hadn't quite imagined this was where her life would end up.

She felt her bed dip at the far end. She sat up slightly to see one of the other girls staring at her in the dark.

"Hello?" Clara asked quietly, so as to not catch the guard's attention.

"Hello." The girl at the end of the bed said, and Clara knew it was Ilse.

"Ilse, what are you doing up?" Clara asked gently. Ilse was only eighteen and even though Clara herself wasn't much older, she felt a responsibility to this girl. She'd arrived a few weeks prior and been scared out of her wits.

"I couldn't sleep." She whispered. "And I was thinking about something."

Clara nodded her head for Isle to move up the bed and sit by her side. They sat on the plain cold wood and stared at their fingers.

"What is it?" Clara queried.

"I was thinking about you and that soldier." She whispered. Clara breath caught and Ilse new her assumptions had been right. "He always picks you, and he's not like the others. He's kind. He looked so upset when another Officer took you that day and he was so very generous."

Clara smiled to herself. "Yeah, he's like that." She murmured.

Ilse's eyes widened. "So you _do_ know him?" She asked cheerily. It made Clara happy to know she'd put a smile on the poor girl's face.

"We were best friends from childhood. Teenage sweethearts. Whatever you'd like to call it." She whispered nostalgically.

Ilse took one of Clara's hands and held it tight. They both enjoyed the added warmth and friendly comfort.

"You were in love?" Ilse asked politely. It scared Clara at just how young Ilse was inside, but she remembered being that way at her age and having to grow up the hard way.

"Yeah. We were." Clara smiled to herself.

"So, what happened?" Ilse was eager to know the story and Clara hadn't been able to talk about it in so long, she let it all out.

"He found me. Well, more like he saw me here. He became a soldier. As you can probably tell I would, I hated him for it at first. I was disgusted at the world and he made it all so much worse."

Ilse frowned in sorrow, expecting a happy story.

"But then he took me and he looked after me. He would just hold me and we'd talk like old acquaintances. At some point I realised I still loved him and now he never lets me go. He's the only thing that is making me survive in here. Sometimes, it feels like a dream. A dream I've dreamed for myself because the truth is too terrible."

Clara looked up at Ilse who was smiling slightly. "You can tell he loves by the way he says your name. It's like treasure." Ilse admired.

Clara laughed to herself at the comparison ."Yes, I suppose it is."

"I wish I had someone like that." Ilse murmured.

"You do." Clara nudged her shoulder. "I'll always be here for you Ilse."

"Okay. That's all really. Didn't mean to bother you." She whispered, shuffling her body of Clara's small bed.

"Oh, Ilse? Is it really obvious?" Clara asked, panicked that more than one other person knew.

Ilse shook her head. "Only if you look for it, like me."

Clara relaxed slightly at the answer and smiled to herself. As long as she had the Doctor, she could always smile.

* * *

The girls stood in a line as they were shouted instructions. Clara felt weak and tired. Her legs were barely supporting her little weight and they felt as if they were about to cave at any moment. She only had to make it through two more hours of the day. All around them was snow, and it was falling down heavily from the sky.

Today the girls were having an inspection in the courtyard after their food was served. Baum was looking at each girl and "examining" them, in the most uncomfortable manner. Clara managed to present herself well when it came to her turn, but she didn't feel it inside. The girls that looked weak and tired were taken aside and then marched out in small groups.

Ilse was shaking when she was inspected, and thankfully, managed to stay in the line. Clara had no idea how anyone had as they all looked like walking death. Once that was done, they were ordered to walk back to their barracks. They went in pairs and the cold mud spurted out on their feet. Clara was looking down to make sure she didn't catch and soldier's attention, when she fell. She hadn't meant to and instantly tried to get up to avoid being noticed.

As she stood, she saw the Doctor looking down on her. He had been the nearest soldier and walked to where she'd fallen. It was clear he was concerned but he was trying to hide it. The line behind Clara had stopped and it made Baum walk over to see what was going on. Clara stood up straight and looked ahead, avoiding eye contact.

"What happened here Officer?" Baum asked the Doctor who was tensing with fear.

"The girl fell in the mud." The Doctor spoke, monotonous. He looked at Clara with an emotion she couldn't read before it was gone again. She could hear her heart beating in her ears and she was sure he could as well.

Baum was about to nod it off, when he saw something shine in the corner of his eye. Clara had heaved a sigh of relief when he'd began to turn away from her.

What she hadn't realised was that he had noticed the golden jewellery hanging from her neck. He turned back to her sharply and gripped the locket in-between his thumb and finger.

"What is this?" He shouted at her, making her jump. She breathed quickly, her nerves stalling her for a moment. She stayed looking away and it made Baum angry.

"Turn to me!"

Clara turned to face him and saw the Doctor looking at her beside Baum, panic stricken and fearful.

She stayed still as Baum hit her in the face with a bound fist. "Answer me Jew!" He shouted, pulling out his cane to inflict more damage.

"It's a locket." She whispered hastily. The Doctor remained still, even though he desperately wanted to pull her into his arms and caress the spot on her face where she'd been struck. He had to remind himself that he could do it later and apologise.

"What did you say?" Baum shouted, even louder. His cane hit her back and she almost fell down once more. A chocked cry escaped her lips and it tore at it made the Doctor feel sick to hear her call of distress. The Doctor had to fight his instincts not to help her up, and Clara could see his hurt written clearly all over his face.

"It's a locket." She said louder, making Baum grip her up, but stop in his path to beat her once more.

"And pray, tell me where did you get it from?" He spat in her face. "Where?" He bellowed, before she even had a chance to answer.

Clara looked to the Doctor and knew that she couldn't tell them the truth. It would cause the Doctor to be exterminated for breaking the law. She could see him pleading her to not to say what she was about to, in his eyes, but she had no choice.

"I stole it." She murmured, tears filling her eyes. Her eye line barely left the Doctor's, who was struggling to keep a hold of himself. Clara could see him flicking his hand towards his gun, ready to shoot Baum if he hurt Clara once more.

The Doctor knew that Clara would tell him not to. He could hear it in the silent conversation they were having.

Clara felt the blow to her face again first, before she registered taking another smack.

"From who?" Baum demanded, twisting the skin on her arm around to cause her pain.

Clara pointed at the Doctor as a tear spilt over her eye and she cried out in agony. He'd carried on twisting and Clara could feel her skin burning and stretching. It stopped a few moments later, but the sting remained.

Baum turned to the Doctor and stared him in the eye. The Doctor's act immediately came back and he remained calm and in control. "Is this your locket?" Baum asked kindly, as if to a fellow man.

The Doctor walked over to Clara and pretended to study the jewellery around her neck. In the short time they shared a close proximity, the Doctor lipped "It'll be okay" to her and she nodded in response.

"I can't be sure." The Doctor replied, turning back to face Baum. Clara looked to him in shock. She didn't understand why he'd say that. She'd be accused of lying.

The Doctor had tried to bend Clara's lie for her because the one she was telling was going to get her in trouble. She had said she'd stolen it. It would have been better to say she'd kept it upon arrival. He knew she was trying to save him, but she was putting her life on the line for it.

Baum walked into Clara's face again. "Who's is it" He spat again, making Clara shiver.

"That man's." Clara whimpered in fear, pointing yet again to the Doctor, who shook his head in a plea for her to stop.

"Doctor?" Baum asked, puzzling out the situation in his head.

The Doctor knew that if he said it wasn't his again, Clara would be facing extreme circumstances.

"Yes. Yes, I think it is mine." He said, trying to pretend like it wasn't important in some way to him.

Baum nodded slowly. He then beckoned the Doctor over to where Clara was standing.

"As she stole your possessions, it's only fitting for you to do the honours sir" Baum stated, handing the Doctor his gun, who almost dropped it from shock.

The Doctor held it in his hand and stared down at it, and then to Clara. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't. He wouldn't shoot Clara.

Baum was waiting for him to do something whilst the Doctor wanted to break down into tears on the floor. This wasn't happening. It couldn't. This was just a bad dream and he would wake up with Clara by his side, holding her in his arms.

The Doctor prepared the gun slowly and aimed it towards Clara's head, shaking. Clara looked up to him, tears falling down her face. She could feel the cold barrel of the gun placed on her forehead.

He expected to see hate and disgust in her face, but he only saw love and forgiveness. She knew he had no choice in what was happening and that this would be the end.

There was so much he needed to say to her that he never would. He thought over everything about her in his mind and wanted to lean forward to whisper words of comfort and love in her ear.

Baum waited a few seconds before he looked at the Doctor in confusion, waiting for the gunshot. The Doctor pulled down the slide lock hesitantly and Clara squeezed her eyes tight shut. After a few seconds, she nearly dared to open them when she was still breathing.

The Doctor knew that everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to do it. He lowered his gun slowly and handed it back to Baum.

"Why shoot her? It's not like it matters too much to me anyway." He said to everyone, trying to laugh it off. Clara opened her eyes and looked to the Doctor.

Baum looked at him as if he had made an awful joke. "Yes, but she still stole it."

"Look, I don't care about it too much. Let's just leave her be." The Doctor said jokingly. The other soldiers seemed to be buying it, even Baum, who was laughing along a little too.

Clara looked to him and gave him a small, secretive smile that he would return later. She was trying to say thank you for saving her life.

"What's the point? There's no fun that way!" Baum laughed, raising the gun back to Clara's head.

There was no time for anyone to react before the gunshot noise ricocheted through the air and Clara was lying dead on the floor, a pool of blood spilling out of her head.


	15. At Breaking Point

**So this is the final chapter.**

**I kept writing in things saying how many chapters were left in my notes at the beginning, but erased them so you wouldn't see what was coming. But WOW. I woke up to something like 10 inbox on tumblr and 15 new reviews in 6 hours for this! I am just utterly shocked.**

**So THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed this story: Dr. Anthro-Tano, Kulatev, Tera Gray, letmesaveyou-Clara, timelordonacloud, whoufflemysouffle, Clarasbowsties, fortunecookie99, blueintheclouds, SunnySmile1324, acousticsandy, Dreams Call Out To Me, Loverly Souris, lunawing610, NoLongerAGuest, JasmineThomas, librarykate, Wibbly Wobbly Astrophysicist, Catherine (guest), Mary (guest), Kosovaheartland, romanov979, CloudCuckoolandHasAQueen, sjgamble, Borshy, Madman on a Bus and The Wandering Time Lady. **

**and to all the guests who reviewed too!**

**I love you all for reading and supporting this story. It has meant so much to me how many people have read this and I honestly can't thank you all enough!**

**This is kind of bittersweet. I'm sad it's ending but it's nice to know that it's done and over. So please review one last time and enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

The Doctor stared at Clara's limp body in shock. Baum kicked her body on the ground, laughing to all the other soldiers. The Doctor was prepared to punch him to death and wouldn't even feel bad about it.

He was in shock. It hadn't quite hit him that Clara was gone. The girls around Clara stared at her still body in fear as Baum began to march them off, boasting about easy targets.

The Doctor knelt down by her body when most people had gone and felt his throat swell up.

Clara's eyes were still open in horror as they stared up at him. He knelt down beside her and shook her gently, like he used to when he was waking her up.

When she didn't stir, he could feel his brain kick in. There had been two other guards around, but only one had stayed behind. It was Faust. The Doctor and he had never been particularly good friends but they'd always admired each other for their hard work.

The courtyard was now empty, except for the two men and Clara's lifeless shell.

The Doctor felt Faust's hand on his shoulder. "I know." He murmured. "About you and the girl."

The Doctor's tears fell down his face, but he couldn't cry out without causing people to stare from around.

"It was more than that." The Doctor whispered. "She'd the only person I had left."

Faust held his arm over the Doctor's shoulder as he looked around, so that he could mourn Clara. It was probably the nicest gesture he'd ever received.

The Doctor stroked her growing-pale face and pushed her hair back behind her ear. He was still calm and unbelieving. She still looked as alive as a few moments before.

"I love you Clara." He whispered to her. "And I may have said it often, but never enough. Never enough."

He leant down and pressed the smallest of kisses to her un-responding lips. He never appreciated how soft they were and how beautiful. There was so much he had never appreciated that he could only see now.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you, my Clara." He knew Faust could hear, but he was beyond caring anymore. He swatted the tears on his face, but they didn't stop and started coming down heavier. "Why didn't I stop him? I should have stopped him."

Faust felt his heart tear in two as he watched the man he'd always admired as the perfect soldier, cry over the girl he loved, even if that girl was Jewish.

The Doctor took Clara's hand in his and held it tight, pressing kisses to the back of it. He continued to constantly shake her body as if it would wake her from her eternal sleep.

"I love you so much, my beautiful, impossible girl. You are all the best of me. Please come back to me."

The Doctor was sure that if he spoke to her, she would come back and tell him it was all going to be okay. They would laugh about the close call later and confess their love for each other in the shared warmth of each other's bodies.

When she didn't respond after a while, he silently screamed out, curling up into a ball on the cold floor with his shoulders heaving from sobs. The grief and pain was hitting him hard and he was struggling to breathe.

Faust put one hand upon the Doctor's back.

"Doctor, we have to move her or the other men will do it. She has to go to the ovens. You know that." It was said apologetically and Faust refused to look at Clara when he spoke.

The Doctor shook his head as his tears fell down onto Clara's face. "No. I can't." He sobbed. Her face was losing what little colour it had before and her expression was now a ghost of her last few moments.

"Doctor, it's that or letting her rot here. We have to do something." He took the Doctor's shoulders so he'd face him. "You have to stop crying. You have to pretend like nothing's wrong, or she will have died for nothing."

The Doctor breathed heavily as he looked down to her. He bowed his head in defeat and wiped his eyes frantically. He did it well enough so that it only looked like the cold had made him tired and his eyes bloodshot.

The Doctor pulled off Clara's locket and opened it. He stared at the picture of when they were children and held it tight, before placing it in his pocket and regaining his composure.

He refused to let Faust drag her, and insisted he carry her torso. Her body was still warm and it felt wrong to be taking her to the ovens.

He had to make Faust do the last few metres, as he walked away. Soon she would just become another name on a long list of the people who were murdered.

Life wasn't worth living anymore if Clara wasn't there. She was his life. His only motivation to carry on was Clara's sacrifice, and that left him emotionless and dead inside. All of a sudden, he didn't care if every Jew died. If he couldn't have Clara then no-one deserved to have the ones they loved.

Truthfully, he broke. He saw life for what it is and that's unforgiving and full of hate.

* * *

The war was almost over. The Doctor only had one thing left to do. He was a murdered and he would get a taste of his own medicine.

He stood in the field where he used to play as a child. The Doctor pulled a picture out from his pocket. It was small and tatty from many years of staying there, but he'd never forgotten it. He stared at the area where his whole life had started, with sorrow and regret.

His chest ached with distress as he looked at where the photograph of Clara lying in his arms had been taken.

It wasn't long left until the British and the Russians won the war. He knew Clara had died for him, but there was nothing left to live for. He couldn't stand one more minute of not being next to Clara.

He gripped the picture tight in his hand as he pulled the gun from his belt and put it inside his mouth.

The whole area probably heard the gunshot, but no-one ran towards it.

The picture fell down into the grass with his body, to bury itself within the ground forever.

And years later, even though people didn't know it, the Doctor and Clara were still smiling in that field.


End file.
